My ANTM Addiction Starts Here

The most notable moment of this episode was Erin’s ’song’ about the remaining girls:

‘MY NAME IS NICOLE AND I LIKE ART

MY NAME IS JENNIFER AND I LOVE TO FART

MY NAME IS LAURA AND I’VE HAIR LIKE A POODLE

MY NAME IS SUNDAI AND I LOVE NOODLES

MY NAME IS BRITTANY AND I LIKE MATH

MY NAME IS ERIN AND I KICK ASS’

This brings to light some interesting concepts. Are we being denied some serious Jennifer fartage? Why was Sundai so thrilled to be told she likes noodles? This isn’t the first time she and noodles have been put together, so I’m wondering if there’s some sort of sexual relationship going on? Also, Erin, you are such a poignant lyricist. Just sayin.

It’s all, honestly, downhill from here. I know I say that every week but this week was boring in addition to having a bullshit elimination. The girls went to Hawaii, because apparently they’re not special enough to go to a foreign country. Erin won the challenge, which was some mundane surfing thing, and she got a tour of Hawaii but bitched that it wasn’t as good as jewelry. Sundai was called out on her ‘one look’, which by the way, isn’t even cute, but then was praised for looking like a ‘fierce twelve year old’. I invite you all to look back at the uber-amazing Allison ‘Creepychan’ Harvard from the previous cycle, who was bottom 2′d for looking the same in every photo. Unlike Sundai, whose hair looked randomly different this episode, and better, Allison’s look was actually relevant and fashion-forward. BULLSHIT. She delivered another sub-par shot while Brittany and Erin, who took the second and third best shots of the panel, respectively, were bottom 2′d.

Ew.

So, that leaves us with Nicole, Jennifer, Laura, Erin and Sundai. Considering that people were convinced Brittany could pull a surprising win, the possible winner is now up in the air. Jay Manuel recently said that the winner was ’surprising’. So, since there’s really nothing of coincidence to report about, I’ll speculate a bit-

Why each girl would be a surprising winner-

Nicole- An actual deserving winner. Consistently hot pictures, tallest girl which goes against the purpose of a ’short cycle’ ultimately.

Jennifer- Wouldn’t really be surprising. Only thing I can come up with is that she’d be the first one to get a first call out at the first commercial week, which hasn’t happened yet.

Erin- Getting a major bitch edit on top of a brat edit.

Sundai- Is heinously mediocre and her call out reflects this

Laura- Country bumpkin to the max. Goes beyond having an accent and stuff.

Likewise, why each girl could win-

Nicole- For the same reason that she’d be a surprising choice. She’s ridiculously kickass. Also, I feel as though we’re getting prepped for a repeat of last cycle, with the first call outs alternating between her and Jennifer (like they were with Allison and Teyona).

Jennifer- She’d be a nice addition to Tyra’s multi-cultural winners collection. As much as she has irritated me, her win wouldn’t be totally heinous.

Erin- She’s a bit of a Melrose… Overachiever, ridiculously hard on herself. Also, Tyra clearly likes her seeing as how Erin literally looked Tyra in the eye and called her out on bullshit (which was cool. In short, Tyra was the photographer again this week and said that Erin was so dynamic and awesome the first time she shot her, and that she was meh this week. Erin was all ‘UH, YOU SAID I HAD NO PERSONALITY THE FIRST TIME, SO I WAS DIFFERENT’. So kickass) and didn’t get eliminated.

Sundai- As the shortest girl, her win would be the most appropriate if Tyra is serious about embracing shortness.

Laura- Would easily be one of the most lovable winners.

In conclusion, Sundai needs to get the fuck out. Being kept around because you’re the shortest and you look like a Baby gap model= NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I guess we know which girl is up Nigel’s ass this week. Sundai, apparently, can give a hell of a beej.

The photoshoot was, as I said before, shot by Tyra. Guess budget cuts are really getting the best out of them. Laura was sunburned from the surfing challenge the day before, Erin knew nothing about Tibet except that it ‘needs to be freed’ and the concept was, as most have been so far this cycle, pretty kickass. The girls had to portray ‘Hapa’, which is the Hawaiian word for ‘half’, or bi-racial beauties.

I’m too lazy to go through and legit morph all these races together, so I took some artistic liberties here and showed you what each girl was going for:

Laura’s Mexi-Greek:

Antonio Banderas and Uma Thurman. Hot.

Erin’s Tibetan-Egyptian-

Brad Pitt and Aishwarya Rai. Oh come on, remember Seven Years in Tibet. Best I could do.

Sundai’s Moroccan-Russian:

YOU DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS MOROCCAN Alicia Keys and the always fierce Vladimir Putin

Brittany’s East Indian/Native American-

Jessica Alba, the picture of multi-culturalism and Al Pacino, who is obviously Native American (or because Kevin Costner, Emile Hirsch, Sean Penn and Marlon Brando weren’t on Morphthing)

Jennifer’s Botswanan/Polynesian-

Rachel ‘I’m not from Botswana, I just helped them in The Constant Gardener’ Weisz and Alfonso ‘My middle name is Lincoln’ Ribeiro

Nicole’s Japanese/Madagascan-

The legit Japanese Mao Zedong and the most absurd submission of all Megan Fox!

Obviously, the photos aren’t quite on this level of awesomeness, but they’re all pretty decent.

And if anyone takes this as some sort of racial thing, blow me. Multiple times. The jury is already out about this shoot, but I loved it. Stop making mountains out of mole-hills, drama queens. K thnx.

And ultimately, two great lines that I just remembered after looking at my notes:

Tyra (to Erin, after telling her she’s survived a second bottom 2, despite acting all insecure and intimidated around Tyra on set): Just imagine me in my underwear!

Erin: That would intimidate me even more!

*****

Laura (in regards to being out in the Hawaiian sun): I’m like a lil piglet roastin in a skillet!

Next week… We can only hope Sundai’s ass is gone. But, expect major revising of ANTM history: ‘Sundai, your photo have been incredible! Nicole, you have consistently sucked! Go home!’ I’ll die. Or vomit.

Pictures will be up tomorrow <3