My ANTM Addiction Starts Here

I decided to do a wrap-up of the petite cycle, which ended up being pretty much amazing, in my opinion.

Firstly…

Amber-

I still mourn the loss of this one. She was almost certainly a plant, seeing as how she has about twelve online acting profiles. I don’t care. This bitch would have been a ton of fun. She probably would have been toast relatively early on, since she could barely speak without foaming at the mouth about Jesus. If she’d made it to the Covergirl commercials… Oh lawd, can you imagine?

Love you, Amber!

Moving right along:

Lisa:

Her best shot.

Initial impression- I liked her legs and her smile. I thought she had a much too substantial upper body for fashion (and I’m right. Look at her tits threatening to break free right there!). She has the best eyebrows (or rather, the ONLY eyebrows) of the cycle.

Was I Right? We didn’t really see much of her until the recap episode, and she appeared to have a personality. Her picture was one of the worst, right down there with Sundai’s HAY GURL baby picture. Side note– If anyone HAS a screenshot of Lisa’s actual baby picture, I’d love to have it… So cute.

Prediction? When I did my VERY first predictions, I had her leaving second. Not bad.

Rachel:

Her best shot

Initial impression- I inexplicably loved her, despite saying that she reminded me of this stupid bitch I used to go to elementary school with. I stand by her having some of the nicest short legs in the cycle, and it’s evidenced here.

Was I right? Listen, Rachel was totally robbed. She was told to sing on cue at a go-see (which, color me shocked! Is apparently a requirement for a model!) and then eliminated because she couldn’t. Side note– She sang on The Tyra Show and I can understand why she didn’t want people to hear her paper thin soprano in the first place. Sorry, just being honest. But yeah, her baby picture, while a bit amateur, wasn’t the worst and she deserved to stay. I’d probably put her right around seventh. I dunno if she would have been able to do a strong commercial.

Prediction- She was my one major faux pas. I had her coming in 3rd or 5th. Yikes. My bad.

Courtney:

Her best shot.

Initial Impression- I thought she had a kickin’ little body, and possessed absolutely no edge whatsoever. I also REALLY liked her, because she was pretty. Hahaha.

Was I right? Yes… Sort of. And although she didn’t deserve her elimination, she was stank enough that I dunno if I’m too sad about when she left. It needs to be said, however, that the above shot of her is one of the best baby photos of the week. Also, why the eff would you try out for a modeling show when you have a busted foot?

Prediction- I said she’d leave first due to the girls usually being put into some semi high-fashion scenario for the initial photoshoot. She worked it out, and she did poorly but not close to the worst in week 2, but her attitude ultimately was the cause of her elimination.

Luly:

Her best shot.

Initial impression: People were sort of blowing their load over her being gay and stuff. I liked her a pretty fair amount (she came in just under Courtney in my initial impressions of the girls), especially her legs. I thought she seemed fun.

Was I right? In terms of her modeling capabilities, I was spot on. Her legs WERE great, and none of her pictures were bad. I actually firmly believe that her elimination was a little uh… premature. As for her being fun-loving and homo… Yeah, no. And she has that stupid tattoo on her tits.

Prediction- Oh, here’s another one I fucked up. Sixth. Mah bad.

Biyanka-

Her best shot.

Initial impression: Wasn’t interested. She reminded me of a less beautiful Nnenna and I hated her for being bald and named Biyanka, like my Cycle 9 bitchy bitch.

Was I right? She was a bit misunderstood, to be honest. Some of the girls were over the top bitchy to her. She couldn’t really model though, could she? Most of her pictures are horrible, although I, and I realize I’m alone in this, really like the one shown above. Also, she looks great in olive green.

Prediction- I had her coming in 9th.

Ashley:

Her best shot.

Initial impression:  I was completely bored. I thought she had the most forgettable face and a body that wasn’t worth noting. I liked her shirt.

Was I right? She turned out to be one of the weaker models, although her makeover shot is the best of the bunch (seen above), and she truly was a victim of editing. Homegirl is a serious sweetheart.

Prediction- I had her leaving us third, so I wasn’t too far off there.

Kara:

Her best shot.

Initial impression: I, like most of us, thought she was a bit severe. I immediately compared her to Allison Janney, who isn’t really the person you want to look like when you’re 19. I thought she had a versatile look that could handle any hair style.

Was I right? I was right to like her (I actually ranked her sixth in my initial impressions) but all my ‘logic’ was wrong. She wasn’t especially versatile and looked downright manly in her last couple of shots. But! Her face was great and yes, severe, but it worked for her.

Prediction- I had her wayyy too high, either coming in 3rd or 5th.

Rae-

Her best shot.

Initial Impression- I pretty much ripped her a new asshole. I said she had mall rat with a ceramic straightener candy floss blonde hair and fat legs. What a bitch.

Was I right? In short? Fuck no. Her baby photo, not even shown here, was one of the strongest of the cycle and totally dreamy. This girl had an ethereal and stunning look in her shots, and while her body wasn’t the best, she had a leg up (pahahaha, I crack myself up) with her insane photogenic-ness. Probably closer to my top 3, not my bottom 2 like I initially thought. Oh, and she didn’t deserve to go when she did. Though neither did fellow bottom 2-er Erin.

Prediction: I had her fourth out. Boo hiss.

Brittany:

Her best shot.

Initial impression- I had good things to say. She was my fifth favorite… A little slutty looking in her picture but potentially just photographed at a weird moment. I thought she had some kickass legs as well.

Was I right? She was an enigma to me all cycle. At first, I loved her makeover, but a week later, she looked gaunt and frail to me. And while she had some strong shots, she had some stinkers too. Also, her voice was annoying. She deserved to make it further than Sundai, damn right, but I don’t comprehend how people wanted her to win the cycle.

Prediction- I was thinkin 7th. Not bad.

Sundai-

Her best shot.

Initial impression- I actually LIKED her long, ratty ass weave. She immediately stole my heart in episode 1 with her emotional description of her pre- ANTM life. And believe it or not, she was actually in my top 7, initially.

Was I right? Bitch was the epitome of a one look wonder. Every photo, with this one representing it the least, had the same pursed lip, 3/4 profile thing. Maybe she thought she could copy Teyonasaurus Rex and get a win with that?? Also, she appeared to be a bit on the stank side, instigating shit a lot. But I still liked her.

Prediction- What with her being the shortest, I predicted a 4th place finish. Thank god I was wrong.

Jennifer-

Her best shot.

Initial Impression: I immediately predicted a token Asian winner, though truth be told, I was never sold on her.

Was I right? Heh… Let’s just say that she disappointed me. Often. I love the above photo, and I loved her Covergirl commercial. Short of that, she could have left like third and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. It turns out that she has one hell of a personality and she provided me with countless entertainment but let’s be real… This is a modeling competition and being a gigglesnort isn’t an excuse for mediocre pictures.

Prediction- Big winner, obviously.

Erin-

Her best shot.

Tough call on the best shot, by the way. She had more than one to choose from.

Initial impression: I immediately jumped the bandwagon on the Eringasm, ranking her as my second favorite. She was sporting some great calves. I was afraid she’d be the letdown of the cycle and though she was treated as such, she didn’t deserve that reputation at all.

Was I right? As stated above, she didn’t deserve any of her bottom 2s except the commercial one, and it was Sundai who should have been booted, not one of the albino twins. Erin was the second best portfolio of the show, bar none, so it’s fair to say that I was very much spot on.

Prediction- Runner-Up.

Laura:

Initial impression: Believe it or not, she was in my top 3. Granted, she looks nothing like her promo picture, but I can proudly say that 3/4 of the top 4 were 3 of my initial favorites!

Was I right? Although she took some seriously cute shots in the earlier rounds, she blossomed a little bit too early and was kept around moreso for her personality than for her modeling prowess. Even during the finale, all she could talk about was how great her personality was.

Prediction: Wayyyy off base, I had her way down in 10th place.

And now… my sparkling diamond.

NICOLE!

Her best shot. But they were all good.

Initial impression- Immediate lust.

Was I right? Yes.

Prediction- I had her getting the inexplicable 4th place elimination, when they need to boot someone awesome to justify a shitty winner. She continued to surprise, week after week, with her excellent performance in all departments– go-sees, commercials, photoshoots. Just let the record show that I was a believer from day 1 and I NEVER. WAVERED.

There’s a first for everything!

So, without further ado… If I had been running the show, here’s how the elimination order would have gone:

14th- Sundai. Weakest photo, personality be damned.

Fuck the Wilhelmina elimination after just one photo. A single elimination at the horse photoshoot gets rid of:

13th- Biyanka. Easily the worst shot of the cycle.

12th- Lisa. Beautiful girl, but forgettable. I can’t see being tall as a strong suit for her. Brittany’s photo is terrible, but the previous two photoshoots save her.

11th- Ashley. As we all saw, her beauty shot just wasn’t up to par with the other girls.

Double elimination right here for this stupid photoshoot?? Shore!

9th- Jennifer. Bar none, the worst Cirque photo. A great performance in the Elongate Yourself photoshoot isn’t enough to save you.

9th- Luly. Had taken great shots, but I can just see the results here being terrible.

8th- Courtney. I probably have her ranked way too high, but she had a nice face. Maybe she would have surprised us all. Still, the Ninja shots were all about lengthening and stuff, and I dunno how she would have done.

7th- Rachel. Probably not likely to produce a strong Covergirl commercial.

Leaving me with an overseas group of Nicole, Erin, Laura, Rae, Brittany and Kara.

6th- Kara. Without the automatic joke of Sundai, I think Kara’s face would have been much too severe for this kind of a shoot.

5th- Brittany. Another that I probably have ranked too high, but her work at least justifies this position, even if she wasn’t my favorite. She either would have kicked ass in the underwater thing or sucked majorly. I’ll go with the latter.

Fuck double eliminations.

4th- Laura. Her picture was compared to Rachel Hunter. Pfffft. Laura was hot, but this was a good spot for her to leave us at.

3rd- Rae. Based on their performances in the first Covergirl commercials, my guess is that both Erin and Rae would choke. Again. But, Erin’s portfolio ultimately contains more gems than that of Rae’s, and she gets that always sad 3rd place ranking.

Runner-Up- Erin. Just like I originally predicted. Call it the Melrose effect or something– a perfectionist getting the runner-up slot. Her portfolio is delicious and she had incredible potential. But nobody really compares to my…

Winner- Nicole!!!!!! Flawless picture after flawless picture, a great commercial performance, impressive stint on the go-sees. Her only mishap was her runway walk but are these bitches really gonna be walking major catwalks? I think not. Without a doubt, my favorite contestant of all time. Sorry Anya and Creepychan <3

Hope you enjoyed my final thoughts on the cycle! Please keep reading Euphoria, as I think I’m going to recap Cycle 9 in the future, just for shits and giggles.

So, this list is going to be Nicole heavy. If you don’t like it, blow me. These are in no specific order:

With very honorable mentions to: Rae’s baby picture and the horse shots of Erin and Nicole.

Worst-

Okay, so maybe not. I mean, really. It’s just ANTM. But really…

Could I possibly be any happier?!?! I’ve been gunning for Nicole since Day 1. I never faltered. She officially has the best call out score of any ANTM contestant, both on the show and from me personally. I honestly believe that Tyra’s neurons may be working again… When’s the last time she actually chose the most deserving contestant??! You can possibly make a case for McKey but she wasn’t the total package like Nicole.

Now here’s hoping our Bloody Eyeball breaks the ANTM curse and works. I am still ridiculously happy about her victory, some 16 hours later.

Some interesting facts about our girl:

~She is the youngest winner at age 18. Unless the age requirement changes to 16, she will always be tied for youngest winner or hold the dubious distinction of being the only 18 year old to win

~Sundai, Jennifer and Erin both wanted Laura to win. YEAH, WELL WHO ASKED YOU?!

~Nicole, despite winning the petite cycle, is not the shortest winner the show has ever known. Eva Pigford, of cycle 3, won and she was only 5′6. According to her agency listing, she is now 5′8 and contributes this to yoga. Someone sign Nicole up and make her 5′9.

~Speaking of her height, does she look way taller than 5′7 to anyone? I’d laugh if it turned out that she was like 5′10 or something and just a plant to make the show look legit.

~At the beginning of the episode, when Tyra does the ‘But can S0-And-So overcome their *insert struggle* and become America’s Next Top Model?!’, the only thing said about Nicole was that she had a monotonous commercial voice. Uh… what? Didn’t she get called second for her commercial?

Moving on… The finale definitely lacked that first elimination oomph, especially since that first elimination usually gets rid of someone semi-awesome. With so much extra time, there was really nothing to do but bitch about each other, right? Laura (who’s a total nympho, btw, but more on that later) got all shit-talkin and stuff… It was so odd to hear someone with this super sweet cupcake voice being like ‘Ah don’t see Nicole ahs competishun. Mah walk is better’n hurrrs’.

Speaking of Nicole’s walk… Oh lawd, I can’t possibly describe it accurately. It really was truly bad, something like a spindly Hulk dressed in an 80s prom dress, with a touch of Hannah (who was eliminated for her shit-tastic runway performance!) And the best part? SHE WAS PRAISED FOR IT. BAHAHAHAHAH. Nigel and Tyra were all ‘Oh, signature walk! Waheeeyy!’ I thought the editing really did go in favor of Laura, what with the AHM FROM A SMALL TOWN and AH HEV DYSLEXIA every five seconds, but when Nicole’s she-hulk runway performance wasn’t shat upon, I knew she had it in the bag.

did I mention that I’m happy about that? Cuz I am.

But back to Bitchy ass Laura… it really made me uncomfortable. She’s supposed to be the sweetest contestant of all time, and there she is, insulting my Nicole. And I’m not saying Nicole didn’t serve it up back, but we didn’t see much of it.

So, let’s talk about Covergirl.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIND BOGGLINGLY HOT, Y/Y? I love both of them and would say they easily make the top 10 Covergirl shots of all time. There’s something so cooly sophisticated about both shots… Easy breezy, sure, but also supah sexy. I think the photoshopper was probably a bit heavy handed, especially with Laura’s picture, but fuck it, it looks good, I can deal. also, it should be noted that when pervy mcNigel was like ‘Laura, what are you thinking about?’ she immediately replied ‘MILKSHAKES!’ with the gusto of a 5 year old.

Mmmmmmmmm. , If she can turn out a shot that’s that pretty while thinking of milkshakes, more power to her. I don’t buy it though. During some excellent never before seen footage, Nicole was all ‘I’m awkward. I don’t think about sex.’ and Laura explained it to her: ‘It’s lahk mountin-bahkin, you know? You git all switty goin to the top of the mountain and all hot and stuff and when you git to the top you’re like YES YES YES!’.

UH, HELLO NYMPHO?!?!? I truly did love her for that. I’ve never felt the need to be like YES YES YES at the top of a mountain, but maybe I’m just not doing it right =(

But hahahaha, pervy was NOT too thrilled about Laura’s mind being full of milkshakes. He clearly wanted her to be like OH NIGEL, YOUR ASS IS ON MY MIND. SHOW ME YOUR JUNK. Not even, Pervy.

The commercials were a big snooze… Both girls didn’t go anything special enough to note but since it was a pretty low-pressure situation (since there was no elimination resting on the commercials), I couldn’t really care less. I’d say that Nicole’s supposed ’snooty’ attitude is better for selling products than Laura’s country bumpkin accent (because honestly? Models ARE better than me, so I can deal with bitchitis. I’m good with it. You should be too)

Speaking of selling products… Teyona was HILARIOUS in this episode. She was like a completely empty reptilian woodland creature… She came out of the shadows, and fucked her one line about ‘lash blasht’ mascara. Oh Teyona. All I can say to you is BAI BITCH.

The runway pre-show provided one of the episode’s funniest moments for me. Jay made a big ta-da about having the other overseas girls participating in the fashion show- ‘THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE’RE HAVING THE ELIMINATED GIRLS COME BACK TO WALK IN THE FINAL RUNWAY!’.

Pffft, riiiight. Which is why Cycle 10’s Lauren, who possessed a truly embarrassing runway walk, told audiences that she and the rest of the top 6 in Titney’s cycle all walked? and that’s why Marjorie and Sheena were seen in Cycle 11’s trip uphill? Riiiiight.

To his credit though, the final runway was UH-MAZ-ING. Jay Manuel is one inventive fucker, you know? It dealt with elements… including a rehash to the scarf beauty shots where the girls were covered in fabric and forcing their way down a windy runway, and then some sort of water-logged orgy at the end. it was totally hot and a definite 10/10.

But on the opposite end of the spectrum…

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AGAIN?!?!?!?? She showed up at the front door of the model house, big nose a’gleamin and rather than run away in horror, the girls were all like HIIIIII!!! MAKE IT STOP. In some disturbing related news… For those who remember vintage cycles of ANTM, the old prize used to include ‘a spread in Elle magazine, shot by world renknowned photographer Gilles Bensimon’, who is actually quite legit. After the prizes changed in Cycle 7, I assumed that Gilles went back to Elle to wash the ANTM stench off of himself, but LO AND BEHOLD, THERE HE WAS, SHOOTING FOR SEVENTEEN.

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

Awww.

Tyra also did a house call, and she did her traditional ‘try and make the top 2 contestants talk about struggles and cry’. Laura, of course, fell for the bait, and started sobbing about her dyslexia (were you aware that she suffered from this affliction?!). Nicole, to her credit, didn’t cry, but she did sort of sadly admit to eating lunch by herself in a bathroom stall. That reminds me of that scene in Mean Girls…

Although I don’t think this is really the same thing… And really, she probably had no friends because she was hotter than everyone else combined and everyone felt threatened by her. Sort of like on this cycle of ANTM.

Side note– I’m starting to think Nicole is a robot.

She had no baby pictures during the reveal of her ANTM portfolio, and when she was on The Tyra Show the other day, she had her fifth grade teacher show up as a means of support. Uhhh, you couldn’t have brought in her parents? Or some other art nerd? Nope, fifth grade teacher. sooo, this leads me to believe that she is some sort of quirky hot-bot who only went to school for a year and has since lived in some vessel, painting and getting sexier. Let’s hope her body doesn’t malfunction when she has to do photoshotos.

The final judging was actually pretty relaxed too. The only real inconsistency was the hoopla (HOOPLA! HOOPLA!) over Laura’s beauty shot with the scarves, which was sort of given a big ‘meh’ during its respective panel (and called sixth).

Maccauley Culkin?

It’s pretty standard for the judges to either turn massively on a photo (I think back to cycle 4’s Naima, whose 7 Deadly Sin photo of envy was jerked off to in panel but hated at the final deliberation) or to suddenly think the sun shines out of its ass, but this was really the only case where it happened.

When Nigel, J (whose ever growing shoulder pads looked like balls, just sayin’) and Tyra had to do the deliberation for who deserved it, I actually saw a glimmer of hope in Tyra.

Well, hello gorgeous!

She was adamant about wanting a model who actually possessed modeling prowess. Maybe this has always happened, but she asked J and Pervy where they could see each girl working. It actually felt like a well thought out decision, and that was extremely refreshing. I loved that J saw Nicole as a Milan girl (read: High fashion diva) and Laura as someone America would love (read: commercial, which isn’t bad by any stretch, but it says a lot) I do suspect that Wilhelmina was like “Listen, Banks. You’re going to choose Nicole, who is hardly petite and has a great, skinny body for fashion”, in which case, GO WILHELMINA. This is all speculation of course, but after Elite got stuck with Whitney and Saleisha, I could see the agency flexing their muscles a little bit.

Of course, the haters were let out of their cages last night to start attacking Nicole for being lame and typical looking. Yeah, okay. Suck it, haters.

Bloody Eyeball has won. She beat out threaded eyebrows, bug eyes, a busted foot, a choking fetish, an abusive relationship, a plant spotted at The Tyra Show, a glass eye, an albino mom, a math geek, a midget with parent issues, a token asian, another albino and a dyslexic. The odds were not on her side but guess what, bitches?

NICOLE IS AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.

Thank you, my adorable readers, for being so supportive of me this cycle. It means the world to me. Stay posted for my top and bottom 10 photos of the cycle (sometime later today) and a bonus post about Tyra and her many personalities.

<3!

I’ll be working diligently on a recap and it’ll be up tomorrow… but let me just say:

BEST.

WINNER.

EVER.

I honestly didn’t post that ‘So… No one reads this thing’ with the intention of pity party, but your comments were so amazingly sweet and it’s nice to know that the work I do goes appreciated. I’ve caught so much shit for being racist this cycle (just because I didn’t like a contestant doesn’t equal racist, good lawd), and I was definitely felt like throwing in the towel.

I’m going to do my best to deliver one hell of a recap for the finale, since it’s one hell of a final two. Even though I’m frustrated with Laura and feel that Erin deserved to be top 2, I think it’s probably the best top 2 ever, since IT HAS NICOLE <3333333 Thank you again for your support, you amazing and lovely people.

And all the views are coming from 1 house in the UK, so I’ll just say this:

-I didn’t have time to do a blog and an 8 page paper. Meh.

-THANK GOD NICOLE IS IN THE TOP 2. I’m sick of Laura though. I don’t buy this ‘She has no good pictures’ bullshit, because she does, but I’m sick of ‘I have big dreams! I have big dreams’ Also, Laura is the first ANTM contestant to make it to the top 2 without a First call out. Both she and Nicole have never been in the bottom 2, which is another ANTM first.

-I saw a glimmer of hope in the Tyrant tonight. She talked about choosing a petite girl who could legit work it. So, here’s hoping she pulls for a Nicole win. Although there’s always that ANTM stigma to deal with, so maybe I shouldn’t root for her.

-BYE JENNIFER. BYE ERIN. It sucks, because Jennifer, although clearly not that photogenic, grew on me, personality-wise. And Erin… MY GOD, THAT PORTFOLIO. And the picture that eliminated her? DELICIOUS. She is the second most photogenic girl of the cycle.

-Ann SUCKett guest judged, and while she was no Marisa Miller, she was… dare I say it? Tolerable! She seemed to really like Nicole’s picture, and she usually goes for the uber-commercial types so maybe someone slapped some sense into her. Hopefully!

Oh and here are the photos:

Nicole:

Watching her shoot was one of the sexiest things I’ve seen in a long time. She’s proven that she can pull of any color of the rainbow with her coloring, as is evidenced by this shade of yellow. She rocked it, and the resulting picture is everything the judges said it was and more. She looks vulnerable and mysterious and of course, smoking hot. She, of course, couldn’t impress his royal douchiness and was told that she wasn’t doing enough posing here, even though I see a great body position that doesn’t shorten her and flatters the garment. Suck it Nigel.

Erin-

Panel after panel, Erin is criticized for her photos, despite delivering strong ones consistently. She’s my second favorite model of the cycle, and this picture is fucking delicious. Although the whole monochromatic color scheme is sort of questionable, I like that she looks well… naked, if you glance quickly at the picture. This isn’t elimination worthy. AT ALL.

Jennifer-

First of all, she looks AMAZING in pink. The face and pose, however, are just more of the same Jennifer we’ve been getting all cycle. Hands on hips (see Elongate Yourself), mouth agape (see every photo). At this point, she should have delivered something stronger. I still like it though.

Laura-

I really don’t get the hate for this picture, but I’ll admit that it’s the weakest one. The eyes are pretty, but not when paired with the open mouth, which sort of gives off a confused owl look. Her hair looks pretty, but does anyone else feel like the waves are coming out her ass? Teehee.

Anyway, here are the call-out averages with some more minor tweaking, plus I added my ranking of last week’s shots in as well. Sorry, I know I change my shit a lot:

Nicole (1.6)- 2/2/2/1/4/1/1/1/1/1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erin (3)- 4/3/1/2/3/3/7/2/3/2

Laura (4.1)- 6/1/6/6/1/4/4/5/4/4

Rae (4.1) – 1/7/5/3/2/6/5

Brittany (5.1)- 9/4/11/4/5/2/3/3

Courtney (5.5)- 3/8

Kara (5.8)- 5/5/3/7/8/7

Jennifer (5.9)- 10/11/4/9/9/5/2/4/2/3

Luly (7)- 8/6/7

Rachel- 7

Sundai (7.4)- 14/9/8/5/6/8/6/6/5

Ashley (9.4)- 11/10/9/10/7

Biyanka (10.7)- 13/12/10/8

Lisa- 12

I get the concept they were going for (it’s a rip-off of something from Britain’s Next Top Model), but considering that Russell James was the photographer, I’d expect way more. He’s responsible for my FAVORITE shot from a NTM show… Cassi van den Dungen’s (Australia- Cycle 5) Desert Lingerie:

So, what I got last night? Meh. At best. In fact, I’m still deciding how to rank them, because I don’t particularly like any of them, but here we are, for your viewing pleasure, in order from favorite to least favorite girl. There are no closeups as of right now, but very little emphasis was placed on the face during panel anyway.

Nicole-

There’s sort of a funky, Kristen McMenamy thing going on with her face (and I don’t really like Kristen McMenamy, so take that with a grain of salt). I like that her body is graceful, and I don’t really get the shitstorm Nigel had over her legs and feet… They look fine and LONG. Get over it, perv boy.

Erin-

This is definitely not my second favorite shot and figured I’d just clarify and say that this is in order from favorite CONTESTANT to least favorite contestant. This is pretty bad, yeah. I don’t agree with either of Erin’s previous bottom 2s, and I’m glad she’s still in the competition, but yeesh, yeah. Not a fan. From what you can see of her face, she looks like she’s blowing bubbles, and all her floaty fabric stuff is behind her and looks like golf clubs.

Laura-

Laura’s shot is especially mermaid-esque, because she’s way down in the water. Unfortunately, I don’t really like much else about the shot. I like the sort of ‘ooooh’ thing she’s doing with her lips but if you look too quickly, the bluish hues of the lighting are making her look a little bloated, and the positioning of her legs distorts her body a little bit.

Jennifer-

She’s doing the infamous Barbie toe thing, which would totally be Marisa Miller’s equivalent to smize if she ever got to host a NTM show. Speaking of which, she should definitely replace Tyra. Back to Jen… I actually do like this shot. I think it’s hilarious that some of the most deluded Jennifer fans say she has a perfect body as this shot clearly showcases that that is in fact, utter bullshit, but it’s a cute shot, and I actually sort of like the straight legs.

Sundai-

First of all, this little peanut broke my heart when she was eliminated. I knew she’d be devastated, and I was right. I think this is probably one of her better shots. She looks far taller than her 5′3, and yes, she lost the face, but come on, so did Erin and Laura, so it’s not like it wasn’t a common theme here.

So, the call-out scores will remain the same and I will work on figuring out my thoughts regarding these mediocre shots. Also, this photo recap is longer than my full recap was yesterday. Thought you should know! =)

<3

This entire episode was a massive sexual innuendo. Marisa Miller, famous for being a Victoria’s Secret angel, is one cheeky bitch.

She was pretty active in the episode, probably to pique the interest of straight guys forced to watch the show with their girlfriends (Hi Andrew!) Basically, she taught the girls how to roll around in the sand and be all sexual. Mind-boggling. But, amongst this enthralling lesson was her EXCELLENT critiques.

‘DON’T BE LITTLE PUSSY…. CATS (she truly waited like three seconds before saying cats). GET YOURSELVES ALLLL WET. NOW THAT YOU’RE ALL NICE AND WET, GET ALL SANDY.’

Sandy vagina? Ewwww.

‘DON’T RUB YOUR BOOBS, LAURA. I WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTT. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO CATCH IN THERE? SUNDAI, STOP SPITTING’

The ‘close your mouth’ comment was to Jennifer. So, in conclusion, Marisa Miller is the best challenge director/guest panelist EVER.

Nigel tried to join the fun by telling Nicole that she’d won a ‘beautiful pearl necklace’, but eeeeewww, put it away, perv boy.

And speaking of perv boy, he would not shut up about how bad Nicole’s feet were in her photo. He then reassured everyone that he ‘loved feet’, just not hers. Aaaand the always modest Tyra stuck her shoe in his face. Then Marisa did. Aaaand then Miss. J did. Ew again.

Back to the sexual innuendo… the saucy Miss. Miller was the guest panelist, as I mentioned before, and she said she didn’t like how ‘erect’ Jennifer looked in her shot. OH MY GOD, GIVE THIS BITCH A MEDAL. NAAAAOOWWWW. Miss. J had to ruin it by being like ‘It’s NEVA too erect’. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. AGAIIIIIIIIN.

I have nothing else to say, except that wow, these pictures sucked, Happy Birthday Laura and THANK GOD SUNDAI IS GONE.