My ANTM Addiction Starts Here

If I was judging the cycle 10 girls based on just the promo pictures (like I did with the cycle 12 girls)… here’s what the order may have looked like. Starting with the first eliminated-

Stacy-Ann:

She looks like a drag impersonator of Donna Summer or something. Like, with a duck face. And wearing a hooker’s leftovers. Buh bye.

Aimee-

Resting on pretty, resting on pretty OMG BORING, GTFO.

Lauren-

Altogether too hipster-cool looking in this picture… Not unlike Cycle 12’s resident garbage dump London. (I see no sign of the awesome bag of rags we got on the show, and without it, she’s kind of meh.)

She has really pointy boobs in this picture. Basically, I think that all the weirdness will disappear after a poor critique and she’d be nothing but a snorefest.

Atalya-

Pretty but a little safe-looking… Like, I dunno if she can break out of the mall-look and I really don’t think she compares to Fatima.

Anya-

She’s probably a hippie wild child with no focus. Standing bowlegged… It just gives it away. Nice body though.

Katarzyna-

There’s always someone that’s really good that goes too early, and it’ll be her for being too sexy and not model-y enough.

Amis-

She’ll just suck at doing a commercial. Probably.

Marvita-

Let me explain myself here… She has a kickin’ bod, first of all, and maybe with a little more eyeliner, she’d be smoking hot. Also, she’s a comeback girl. Obviously she can’t win because Jaslene was a comeback girl and she won, and everyone would figure ‘hell, all I have to do to win this stupid show is suck the first time and then come back the next cycle!’… but she’ll make it overseas because of her connection to cycle 9.

Whitney-

She’s pretty and she’s the ‘plussie’ of the group… but I don’t think Tyra is ready just yet to give it to the plus-size girl. The photoshoots are always ridiculously in favor of the skinny bitches, so Whitney will fare a little better than the typical placement of the plus size girl, and this will be enough to convince Tyra that she made a statement to the fashion industry.

Kimberly-

She’s like a waifish Gemma Ward-esque little thing who will probably get axed due to being too cute while the other girls are ’strong’… or something.

Dominique-

In a word… stunning! Everything about this bitch screams ‘attitude. The bent foot, the cocked eyebrow… She’s in it for the Jade title and she’s going to place exactly where Jade placed… almost on top.

Allison-

Jesus, this bitch is hot… we just need to get her knee highs off and then she’s stylish (sort of) too. She looks like Jaslene only with more estrogen…

Winner- FATIMA-

Even with a hideous orange hairdo, you can tell she’s hot. Her skin glows, and she has a sob story… That’s like a miracle to undo the mistake known as Saleisha- A tall, leggy black woman who is a SURVIVOR. Plus, she completes the trifecta of ‘chocolate, vanilla and caramel’ for a top 3. Happens all the time.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. As if I weren’t already sick to death of Cycle 10, I decided to do a two part bonus post! I’ll be doing these for all the other cycles 2, so expect the Cycle 1 one to show up sometime soon and then the rest of the cycles will include this post at the end, along with their week by week.

Part 1- MAKEOVERS/Purely superficial.

Wow, most of these makeovers suck ass. I’ll just go in alphabetical order, cuz there’s no ranking.

Aimee-

This bitch is hot. She looks hot on the left, she looks hot on the right. Her makeover made her look even more pale and glowing. Definitely one of the most beautiful of the cycle.

Allison-

She’s like… the lovechild of Jaslene and Eva Longoria. I think the dark hair is far more striking than the red, which is a little brassy. She’s hot, despite being a racist whorebag.

Amis-

She looks SO good in both of these pictures, despite being one of my least favorites on the show. I love the whole look of the left picture, and the general hotness but not too posed right picture as well. YA KNOW?!!

Anya-

AW GREAT. Tyra gives my Anya the stupid ice-blonde makeover. IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD. Also, WHY THE HELL DID THEY DYE HER EYEBROWS OFF? She looks miles better on the left, but she somehow managed to make the blonde work. YOU’RE MY HAWAIIAN PRINCESS, ANYA.

Claire-

She’s kind of a mess in both pictures, and not especially attractive. I definitely prefer the shorter do but would have liked it in another color, maybe.

Dominique-

WORST. MAKEOVER. OF. THE. CYCLE. Her hair looks SO much nicer in the left picture. Usually it looked like shit, so I understand them wanting to cut it, but why do it in a soccer mom do? I’m glad they fixed it, but it looks SO bad in the right picture (and her lingerie picture)

Fatima-

Finally, a great makeover. She looks stunning. This woman is practically perfect.

Katarzyna-

Another babe that looked perfectly fine before her makeover. I liked the shorter haircut, even though it made her cry

Lauren-

She’s so hot! I never really noticed because all my fondest memories of Lauren involve her eyes bugging out of her head! She looks sexy in both pictures! I’m a fan!

Marvita-

I never thought she was pretty until I saw the makeover picture. That horse mane bullshit was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard, and yet… Marvita looks GORGEOUS in the picture on the right!

Stacy-

UHHHWWWWOOWWWWWW THATSSSSS DIIIIIIIFEREEEENTTT. I think she’s more cute than she is pretty, and I think the short hair is edgier, but the long is definitely more ‘her’.

Whitney-

I liked the brown when it was up, and I thought the blonde started looking ratty by the end BUT… in these two pictures alone, the blonde looks way better. Also, Whitney is pretty.

PART 2- OVERRATED/UNDERRATED.

The Most Overrated Picture of the Cycle Is:

Was this first call-out? It’s not very good.

Runner-Up:

This was first too? Ew.

Underrated-

The judges had barely anything nice to say about this, even though she looks hot as hell.

Wooo. CYCLE 10 IS OFFICIALLY OVER.

Last bonus post for Cycle 10-

Obviously, a ‘last call-out’ is usually in direct correlation with a bad picture. So, if I’d been in charge of making cuts, here’s how I would have probably played it-

Week 1- Homeless

My elimination would have been Allison, not Atalya. She looks dead in the eyes, and as we could see from her next picture, she wouldn’t have been a very valuable asset anyway.

Week 2- Intimates

Since Allison would have been given the boot the week before, I would have had to choose Dominique for delivering two extremely bland shots in a row. Sucks, because we never would have seen her colored jizz picture, her modern renaissance one or her BRAZILIA!

Week 3- Meat Outfits

Fatima’s picture is the worst, easily, but I gave her a #1 the week before, so it would be ridiculous to eliminate her when Marvita was still consistently dealing out mediocrity.

Week 4- Colored Jizz

This is Marvita’s worst picture, but I would have eliminated her the week before. Whitney’s picture totally sucks, but I think Atalya would have been my most likely eliminee if I’d kept her around till now… I don’t look at her face and see someone capable of a good beauty shot.

Week 5- Music Styles

I don’t like Claire’s picture, but I don’t think it’s terrible either. Amis would have likely been given the boot by me at this point, just because I think I would be sick to death of her.

Week 6- Fuerzabruta

Lauren’s picture is ridiculously bad… it sucks so much, but most of her other pictures were good up till this point, so I would eliminate the dreadfully bland Stacy Ann at this point for delivering a picture that was almost as bad as Lauren’s.

Week 7- Group Shot

Fatima didn’t do a picture, but it wasn’t one of those bullshit ‘This is against my religion’ type excuses, so I would have let her keep going. This is where I would have booted Whitney for her fake-ness and her stupid open mouth.

Week 8- The Commercial

Lauren’s commercial was horrible, and it would be stupid not to boot her at this point. I can’t imagine that any of the people who I personally have left who didn’t do commercials (That would be Aimee and Claire) could be worse than her.

Week 9- Modern Renaissance

Boo, poor Dominique. I think Aimee’s cutesy appeal would have grown tired at this point and any high fashion luck she might have would run out here.

Week 10- Surprised by the Paparazzi

Fatima completely missed the point in this picture, and she was sort of falling back by now. I think Claire would have nailed it.

Week 11- Covergirl

Claire just isn’t commercial enough to do Covergirl. I think she would have been horrendous in this shot… But I’m glad she would have made it this far!

Final 2- Anya and Katarzyna

Runner- Up would have to be Katarzyna

Cuz when it comes down to it, Anya rules all

Awards-

Most #1 Call-Outs: Anya (6)

Most Dead-Last Call-Outs: Allison, Lauren, Fatima (2)

In contrast, here are the worst pictures of the cycle. I only included one from the homeless shoot because well… Poor Atalya. We don’t know if she could have done better, so I just left her off.

Ten Favorite Pictures of the Cycle-

Obviously Anya dominated the Best list week after week, so in order to give the other girls a shot, I limited myself on the Anya pictures… she appears three times.

Next, of course, is the 10 worst.

This is the last photoshoot of the cycle and that’s all I’m going to score– the individual Covergirl photos. In the next post, I’ll post my favorite picture of each girl in the order I would rank them, and then follow that post up with bonus stuff (favorite pictures of the cycle, least favorites of the cycle, etc etc).

There is no sound clip this week and instead, I grace you with this

Anya-

This is definitely one of my more controversial opinions. Remember, I have a huge bias. At first glance, I hate this. Then I look at every element individually and I think she looks gorgeous… her eyebrows are actually showing (roflll) and her hair is great. Also, I think it helps to see this shot as an ad, not just a picture.

Fatima-

This should probably be my #1, but I just Anya better.

Whitney-

What was all that shit about this being a ‘powerful’ photograph? It’s a nice photograph, sure but there’s nothing powerful about it except my power to close Whitney’s mouth. She looks pretty, but I don’t think it compares to the others.

-Anya (1.8) 1/3/2/1/3/1/1/4/2/1/1

-Katarzyna- 3.3

-Lauren- 4.1

-Fatima (4.4)- 5/2/11/7/4/2/7/3/3/3/2

-Whitney (5)- 6/8/6/9/2/3/6/5/5/2/3

-Dominique – 5.2

-Claire- 5.3

-Aimee- 6

-Stacy Ann- 7.4

-Marvita- 8

-Kimberly- 9

-Amis- 10.6

-Atalya-12

-Allison- 13

Eliminations-

Aimee- 0

Allison- 2

Amis- 0

Anya- 0- Runner Up

Atalya- 0

Claire- 1

Dominique- 1

Fatima- 2

Katarzyna- 0

Kimberly- 0

Lauren- 2

Marvita- 1

Stacy Ann- 0

Whitney- 2- Winner

Seriously… did anyone else understand this shot? The point was to look SURPRISED by the paparazzi, not to stand there and pose. I feel like giving 3 out of 4 of the girls four points each and giving one of them -4 for completely nailing it. Oh, and fuck Nigel Barker for being like ‘She got lucky and fell right into the shot?’… Yeah, and? It’s HOT and a contender for best picture of the cycle.

Clearly her ‘vision’ is what translated into this shot.

Anya-

Flawless picture. Completely and totally flawless. She looks beautiful (love her with actual eyebrows…) and she’s actually doing what the shoot asked for.

Whitney-

This sucks, but it sucks less than the others because it looks like she’s clinging to her man in a ‘Protect me from the paparazzi, please’ way. At first I thought she was just smiling cheesily (see: next photo) but she does look a little bewildered, so she sort of kind of not really got the idea.

Fatima-

If the purpose was to take a black and white glamour shot, she would have nailed it, but there isn’t even an element of surprise here. She completely missed the point… something that would have gotten another model eliminated in earlier stages.

Dominique-

She missed the point too– She basically just looks like she’s leaning on her guy. There’s no eye contact with the camera, so any surprise she might have been putting on is lost in that damn tranny face. It sucks, because she’d been doing so well for weeks and weeks.

Yeah, so fuck all of them except Anya. Dominique was eliminated this week, and while she was growing on me considerably, I can’t say she didn’t deserve it.

Standings-

-Anya (1.9) 1/3/2/1/3/1/1/4/2/1

-Katarzyna- 3.3

-Lauren- 4.1

-Fatima (4.7)- 5/2/11/7/4/2/7/3/3/3

-Whitney (5.2)- 6/8/6/9/2/3/6/5/5/2

-Dominique (5.2)- 11/11/4/2/6/6/5/2/1/4

-Claire- 5.3

-Aimee- 6

-Stacy Ann- 7.4

-Marvita- 8

-Kimberly- 9

-Amis- 10.6

-Atalya-12

-Allison- 13

Eliminations-

Aimee- 0

Allison- 2

Amis- 0

Anya- 0

Atalya- 0

Claire- 1

Dominique- 1

Fatima- 2

Katarzyna- 0

Kimberly- 0

Lauren- 2

Marvita- 1

Stacy Ann- 0

Whitney- 1

So, the judges decided to eliminate the luminous and wonderful Katarzyna this week… Sure, the shot was mediocre, but she was the only one with a good commercial last week AND she was lovely all throughout. Not her fault that she was giving a boring edit. Uh, yeah… this shoot was bizarre. Tyra is ridiculous.

Dominique is clearly excited with her picture, but she gives credit to her lord and savior.

Dominique-

All the tranny fierceness works wonders here. I love the face, I love the cocked foot. I also love that she makes a frizzy blonde wig look hot.

Anya-

About as high fashion as you can get– All of her limbs are working and she’s all pointy angles… It’s really interesting, but I think her face is pretty boring.

Fatima-

I hated this picture at first, but I love the pose so much, and she has a confidence despite her sort of sour-faced expression.

Katarzyna-

Is this picture kind of ‘meh’? Yeah, it is. Her waist is all bent and it looks cool, but her face is just yawwwwwwwwwwwwn. Still, is it worth eliminating her for? FUCK NO. Fear not… there is still one more shot left and it belongs to-

Whitney-

Dear god, I hate this picture. She looks about 60 years old, her mouth is slightly ajar, her back looks broken and her eyes are rolling back in her head.

But, being retarded, the judges eliminated the altogether too excellent Katarzyna.

My current standings-

-Anya (2) 1/3/2/1/3/1/1/4/2

-Katarzyna (3.4)- 3/7/3/5/1/4/3/1/4

-Lauren- 4.1

-Fatima (4.8)- 5/2/11/7/4/2/7/3/3

-Claire- 5.3

-Dominique (5.3)- 11/11/4/2/6/6/5/2/1

-Whitney (5.5)- 6/8/6/9/2/3/6/5/5

-Aimee- 6

-Stacy Ann- 7.4

-Marvita- 8

-Kimberly- 9

-Amis- 10.6

-Atalya-12

-Allison- 13

Eliminations-

Aimee- 0

Allison- 2

Amis- 0

Anya- 0

Atalya- 0

Claire- 1

Dominique- 0

Fatima- 2

Katarzyna- 0

Kimberly- 0

Lauren- 2

Marvita- 1

Stacy Ann- 0

Whitney- 1

THE COMMERCIALS HAVE BEEN DELETED OFF OF YOUTUBE. So… I give you… a basic summing uppage of the commercials:

Brazilia!

(Thank you to Rich!)

Anyway, here they are… from least sucky to most sucky-

The only one that sounded even slightly natural.  She even had the poise and class of someone very commercial in Italian.

This commercial is horrendous, but it has soooo much camp appeal. BRAZILIA!

Fatima-

Well, didn’t she think she was the bees knees? I thought the whole thing was very ‘I am regal, watch me PERFORM’, but she didn’t butcher it.

Anya-

I love her energy and she looks beautiful, but the Italian was just… not good. Still, considering that she can barely speak English… not horrendous at all.

Whitney-

Is… Is… IS HER MOUTH SHUT? Omg! This commercial is the fakest piece of shit since the judging at the previous episode. I really hated how she kept gasping.

Lauren-

Simply one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen.

And yes, Lauren was eliminated for this. Thank god. Love the bitch, but that fucking terrible.

Current standings-

-Anya (2) 1/3/2/1/3/1/1/4

-Katarzyna (3.3)- 3/7/3/5/1/4/3/1

-Lauren (4.1)- 7/1/1/3/5/8/2/6

-Fatima (5.1)- 5/2/11/7/4/2/7/3

-Claire- 5.3

-Whitney (5.6)- 6/8/6/9/2/3/6/5

-Dominique (5.8)- 11/11/4/2/6/6/5/2

-Aimee- 6

-Stacy Ann- 7.4

-Marvita- 8

-Kimberly- 9

-Amis- 10.6

-Atalya-12

-Allison- 13

Eliminations-

Aimee- 0

Allison- 2

Amis- 0

Anya- 0

Atalya- 0

Claire- 1

Dominique- 0

Fatima- 2

Katarzyna- 0

Kimberly- 0

Lauren- 2

Marvita- 1

Stacy Ann- 0

Whitney- 0

I know this blog is for my call-out averages, and I could never do recaps that compare to fourfour or Potes… but this had to be the STUPIDEST episode of all time. The shot immediately finishes and there’s a judging? You mean that the best shot was chosen and edited for everyone in 30 seconds? And then when Tyra was like BYE BITCHES, WE GET TO RIDE FIRST CLASS. I was so… bewildered. These pictures were hard to find and this post is kind of like a bonus, since the whole group shot idea is a little stupid to me. The score, however, does count.

Well, back to business. Fatima didn’t take a shot this week because she was getting her travel documents renewed or something so she is not included here… I can’t decide whether to give her a bottom score or to just not include this photoshoot. Please excuse my imitations of the contestants… I think I’m funny.

Oh, and note that Anya, on top of having the best pictures, also has the best blowjob face of Cycle 10

Anya-

‘Yes, I go to leave now to go and fall on my face in the new country!’ She looks absolutely beautiful in this picture.

Lauren-

‘Damn this wind blowing in my damn eyes. Damn everything.’ Of course, being Lauren, she manages to look hot and alluring with a blank stare on her face.

Katarzyna-

‘We’re GOING ABROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAD, but I am dignified in doing so’. I just think she looks a little too mannered for what the shoot is… I mean, she’s basically just standing up. It IS lovely though.

Stacy Ann-

‘I’m so exciiiiited to be gooooing on a plaaaaaane. Too bad the judges eliminated me for my beeeessst picture in weeeeeeeks’. I like her personality in this picture.

Dominique-

‘Heyyy guuurrl, heyyyy. I’m leaving on a jettt plaaaane’. I really don’t like either of the next two pictures, but Dominique doesn’t look tranny-fierce here, and for that, she must be rewarded.

Whitney-

‘I’d like to thank my mom and my dad for giving me the opportunity to participate in Miss Plus Size Who Never Shuts Her Damn Mouth USA…’ Maybe this is an unfair placement. After all, she has lots of personality, but I feel like the whole thing is just SO prissy and fake.

Fatima-

She’s sad because she didn’t participate in the photoshoot.

So… this photo shoot changes basically nothing? I must admit that I wasn’t sad to see Stacy Ann go… I thought she’d been riding the mediocrity wave for weeks now.

Current standings-

-Anya (1.7) 1/3/2/1/3/1/1

-Katarzyna (3.7)- 3/7/3/5/1/4/3

-Lauren (3.8)- 7/1/1/3/5/8/2

-Claire- 5.3

-Fatima (5.4)- 5/2/11/7/4/2/7

-Whitney (5.7)- 6/8/6/9/2/3/6

-Aimee- 6

-Dominique (6.4)- 11/11/4/2/6/6/5

-Stacy Ann (7.4)- 10/9/7/8/7/7/4

-Marvita- 8

-Kimberly- 9

-Amis- 10.6

-Atalya-12

-Allison- 13

Eliminations-

Aimee- 0

Allison- 2

Amis- 0

Anya- 0

Atalya- 0

Claire- 1

Dominique- 0

Fatima- 2

Katarzyna- 0

Kimberly- 0

Lauren- 1

Marvita- 1

Stacy Ann- 0

Whitney- 0