My ANTM Addiction Starts Here

Here is the promised cycle 2 bonus post with post-show work and then me superficially sizing each person up. I rule.

(Alphabetical order)

Anna-

Anna apparently scored exactly ONE shot for Erin London, which is a plus-size ladies apparel company. I’m happy for her, because I thought she was pretty adorable on the show and I was sad that she was uncomfortable with the nude shoot.

April-

Oh April… my almost lover. You are so gorgeous, both on the show and afterwards. I’m glad to see she’s successful… She did some TV corresponding, I believe (Didn’t she appear on ANTM some time wayyy later?) and she’s also done about 60 or so prints with Marie Claire and Skinny Bitch Swimwear, most notably.

Bethany-

Resident smurf porner Bethany doesn’t appear to have done any print work, but she has around 30 test shots of herself… some in bikinis and stuff, but some other lovely glamorous ones like the one above! She was pretty, but not right for this competition… very sexy, which Tyra obviously weeds out ASAP.

Camille-

Camille looks sort of drag in this ad for Smooth Magazine, but I actually think she’s really gorgeous. She was on Top Model Exposed (which aired on the CW after Cycle 9 ended) and she looked amazing. She hasn’t really been busy, but she did score about 10 various prints.

Catie-

Well, she looks NOTHING like herself in this picture… She was decidedly rat-like on the show, especially once they cut her hair short, but she looks really nice in this shot! She doesn’t have any print to her credit, but there are about 60 test and misc. shots for her on All-ANTM.

Heather-

Heather has done absolutely NOTHING since the show… no test shots, no print… NADA. So, here’s one of her ANTM pictures. What a little cutie pie. I wish she would at least do like… soap operas or something.

Jenascia-

This is SO hot… It looks like every man’s fantasy… seeing their girlfriend dressed in a Gap tank top and staring seductively at them. Jenascia was one of my favorites, appearance wise, on the show but she hasn’t done much since it ended– two test shots to her credit.

Mercedes-

What a fox! I am a sucker for the poufy haired girls (I have a huge crush on C5’s Nik) and I am thrilled to see that Mercedes has been successful… She appears to have done a huge amount of print work for Rachel Pally as well as other catalog shoots, and some high end work (the second picture is for Halston!)

Sara-

Without a doubt, one of the more shocking post-show careers. Sara has about 70 print shots to her name, but the one above is one of the only ones that isn’t in a bikini, topless or in a sexy pose. I mean, daaayum girl! She was the one who said ‘My dad thinks modeling is prostitution’… and the kind that she’s doing? well, it’s understandable why Daddy would think that!

Shandi-

I think everyone is a little disappointed by Shandi’s post show career… She did about 10 print ads, a slurry of tests and then… went back to her old life. She chopped her hair off, dyed it black and got a bunch of tattoos. I think she could have been really succesful, so I’m bummed that she didn’t do more.

Xiomara-

This picture was apparently featured in the New York Post Latino Issue… I never was a big fan of Xiomara’s, but she looks pretty in this picture. Her post-show career has been very small… about 10 pictures (print and tests) altogether.

Yoanna-

The stunning winner has actually done very little in terms of print… Most of her pictures are from her spread in Jane and promos from the show she hosted, ‘The Look for Less’. She obviously is gorgeous, so I’m glad she went the route of TV where she could gain some more exposure.

THIS CONCLUDES CYCLE 2.

Now, I’ve already posted my raw scores, photos-only standings for the show. This would be my standings using some logic and stuff… Still not based on personality or anything but previous eliminations and stuff, all that jazz:

Week 1- Fresh Look Contacts w/ Body Paint

I think Anna is quite adorable, but it’s hard to eliminate someone other than her for this week… There’s nothing going for her… Bethany’s picture is HIDEOUS, but… yeah. If you can’t do body paint, you probably shouldn’t be on stupid ANTM.

Week 2- Steve Madden Shoes

Xiomara’s picture isn’t good… neither is Camille’s, but Bethany has the worst score overall at this point, and she kind of looks like a pornstar. Pretty gal, sure… but I totally understand this elimination

Week 3- Laundry by Steven Segal-

Two dead-last call-outs in a row for Xiomara? It would suck to say goodbye to her before that HOT Grace Jones picture but two worst photos only the third week into the competition? Not good.

Week 4- Celebrities

I hate Catie’s picture… I don’t love April’s picture, and Camille’s average sucks hard at this point, but she turned it out this week. Heather was pretty mediocre to begin with, so I would have to bid her farewell at this point

Week 5- QUEEF SWIMWEAR!!

This shoot sucks. It sucks SO much. Xiomara is already gone, and the other two in the bottom 3 are Mercedes and Shandi. Like HELL I’m eliminating one of them… they have some of the best pictures at this point, so I can assume that Jenascia would have sucked at posing during this shot. She’s pretty, but she can go now

Week 6- Rollitos

As far as I’m concerned, Camille is really far overdue to hit the road at this point. She got by simply by not sucking the most week after week. She was weird in the commercial, so she can go. Hmph. Oh, and SHE’S A WITCH!

Week ‘7′- Black and White (See the actual post to understand this)

Catie’s picture is soo weirdly baby prostitute, and I think she started off strong but had fallen off by this point… I hate agreeing with the judges so much!!

Week 8- SOLSTICE

Just for the sake of being boring, I’d have to say that Sara probably would have under-performed here. April gets my last call-out, but it’s not because the picture sucks… It’s just not as good as the others! I like Sara, but her competition is so strong.

Week 9- Nudies with each other!

It kills me to eliminate April. I mean, seriously… Those nudies are HOT and it sucks to have to eliminate anyone. Score-wise, April is the weakest one which is why I would have to eliminate her. I thought about Mercedes to shake it up but April’s score just kept going down and down (or up and up, you know)… Must. Be. Logical.

(Love youuuu)

Week 10- The High Fashion Thing-

I love Shandi. I really do. I think her makeover is one of the best of all time. And so that’s why, despite Mercedes being adorable and wonderful… I think Shandi should be rewarded for improving SO much, so I bid Mercedes farewell with the heaviest heart yet.

Final 2-

I originally thought Shandi would be my winner, but you can’t take away from Yoanna’s gorgeous pictures, her incredible face… Big transformation or not, Shandi wasn’t quite on her level.

I can’t believe I agreed with the winners for TWO cycles in a row. They clearly aren’t as dumb as I thought. Well, that’s okay… it all goes downhill when stupid Nole Marin joins panel

Winner:

What a hard logical standing to do. That top 4 is wayyy too hot.

YAY. Cycle 2 is complete… though I’ll be doing the extras throughout Cycle 3 just to break up the monotony.

This is how we dooooo: I don’t take all the bottom call-out pictures. Like poor Xiomara got three last call-outs and I’m not going to have her dominate the list. I’ll switch it up just to keep it interesting with different models.

Ewwwww.

It’s that time again, folks! The best pictures of cycle 2. These aren’t really in order, but the top 3 are probably my favorites.

In the ghetto cycles known as 1 and 2, Tyra hadn’t snagged the contract with Covergirl cosmetics, so the girls did some sort of beauty shot. Cycle 2 is basically just a fierce, high-end type deal.

Yoanna-

What else can be said about this photo? It’s considered one of the best pictures in ANTM history, and for good reason. She has possibly the most penetrating stare of any photo ever taken… her lips look amazing, oh and there’s a helmet on her damn head and yet you want to go and get one so you can be like Yoanna. Perfect.

Mercedes-

Her stare is so intense, and so beautiful… but it doesn’t have the same affect on you as Yoanna’s because it isn’t straight on. There’s a focus, definitely, but it’s off to the side. The wires on the neck are kind of weird, but she makes them work.

Shandi-

The judges ragged on her for this picture… It doesn’t suck. Not at all. It just isn’t as good as the other two. Her eyes look good, but there isn’t any intensity beyond them. It’s too bad she couldn’t have chosen now to deliver one of her first call-out shots. I love this girl, and her transformation is one of my favorites in Top Model history.

Standings-

Yoanna (2.7)- 4/1/4/3/5/2/1/4/2/1

Mercedes (3.1)- 1/5/5/1/7/3/2/2/3/2

Shandi (3.4)- 3/3/1/6/6/5/5/1/1/3

April- 3.6

Sara- 5

Catie- 5.2

Camille- 6.1

Jenascia- 7.2

Heather- 7.3

Xiomara- 7.4

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 2

Bethany- 0

Camille- 1

Catie- 2

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 1

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0- WINNER

Seriously, what the fuck? I thought the judges were retarded. I swear to god, it better turn to shit after the next cycle or I’m going to be so ashamed of myself for always making fun of the judges for picking the wrong girl.

Tyra: You just like that asssss.

Nigel: I *do*!

Oh Nigel. You dirty bitch. How I will come to loathe you and then love you again as the cycles go on. On with the show… the ladies are totally in the buff and posing with each other… Yoanna/Shandi, Mercedes/April. Y/S took kind of an erotic route and M/A are doing a more sensual thing.

All four of them look hot. Even sleepy looking April. This photoshoot is practically impossible to judge. But, as Tyra would say… I’ve reached a decision.

Shandi-

I love the way she’s leaning into Yoanna, as if she needs her. Her face has so much longing on it and yet, there’s almost this serene glow in her eyes (which are mostly closed, I might add. SALEISHA, TAKE NOTE. YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES AND STILL LOOK HOT). She looks a little hungry, but she’s a model, so I can’t really fault her on that.

Yoanna ^ See above

First of all, her body is hot. You can see this tantalizing little curve that inspired Nigel’s pervy and adorable comment. I love that she almost looks like she’s going to press her lips to Shandi’s shoulder… there’s a really sexy and dominant quality to her despite Shandi being higher up in the picture. Her left hand looks a little glove-like and her eyes don’t have quite as much fire, but seriously… I’m fishing here. She looks amazing.

Mercedes-

I must be a perv, because I slightly prefer the erotic quality of Y/S over the sensuality in M/A. Don’t get me wrong… both pictures are great, but the first one is just… a little better. Mercedes is SO beautiful in this picture… she just looks so protective of April and her face has this wonderful, glowing expression. This is NOT a #3 picture, but alas, here it is. In #3. Fuck my life.

April ^

I don’t hate the way she looks at all, upon second glance. I originally thought she looked like she was sleeping. In reality, I think she looks like she’s holding onto Mercedes for protection, and it’s actually really pretty. Janice is right– this one looks like a perfume ad. Again, this shouldn’t be a last call-out, but look at what she’s up against. Pure perfection.

With a heavy heart, we bid April farewell.

Standings-

Yoanna (2.8)- 4/1/4/3/5/2/1/4/2

Mercedes (3.2)- 1/5/5/1/7/3/2/2/3

Shandi (3.4)- 3/3/1/6/6/5/5/1/1

April (3.6)- 2/7/2/8/1/1/3/5/4

Sara- 5

Catie- 5.2

Camille- 6.1

Jenascia- 7.2

Heather- 7.3

Xiomara- 7.4

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 2

Bethany- 0

Camille- 1

Catie- 2

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 0

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0

So, Sara was eliminated for her dancing in Shake Ya Body. In case anyone wanted to see it:

But I dunno why you would. It’s soooo bad.

Anyway, onto the next photo shoot. It was for Solstice Sunglasses in the Colisseum. Not the best photo shoot but…

Shandi-

This is without a doubt the best picture of the week, and probably of the cycle. This is already an ad… all it needs is a logo. I currently am sporting this as my desktop wallpaper. The dress looks amazing, she’s actually wearing the sunglasses, the pose is high fashion. Perfection.

Mercedes-

This is nowhere near as striking as Shandi’s picture, but it is good. She does a good job looking kind of pissy/high fashion despite being such a pretty, smiley girl. The dress looks hot on her. The stance is awesome. I wish she’d just worn the sunglasses rather than turning them into a headband.

Camille-

Of course she turns in a good picture the week she gets eliminated. NATURALLY. The arms look a little dead, but the dress looks great and the angry expression and the wind in her hair are awesome. She’s also got her left foot pointed, which looks really cool.

Yoanna-

The whole thing is just a little too casual for me. Her face isn’t really saying anything, the pose is nice, and the dress looks good, but I’m compelled to look at the architecture before her.

April-

How, how my mighty warrior has fallen. The legs are AMAZING. The dress looks good even when she’s lying down. But her face is completely dead. I think Janice said it best when she said ‘It looks like the batteries in your vibrator died’. It’s true! And the left arm is paralyzed. Dammit April. Why must you do such terrible things to me?

Standings-

Yoanna (3)- 4/1/4/3/5/2/1/4

Mercedes (3.2)- 1/5/5/1/7/3/2/2

Shandi (3.7)- 3/3/1/6/6/5/5/1

April (3.6)- 2/7/2/8/1/1/3/5

Sara- 5

Catie- 5.2

Camille (6.1)- 9/9/9/5/3/7/4/3

Jenascia- 7.2

Heather- 7.3

Xiomara- 7.4

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 1

Bethany- 0

Camille- 1

Catie- 2

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 0

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0

Now we’ll move on to something valid… A photograph as opposed to a stupid Rollitos commercial. I don’t even know what Rollitos are. Doritos? Puh-leeze. Models don’t eat those. Or if they do, they barf them up later. I digress. These are black and white beauty shots. I dunno if they’re wearing makeup, but it’s meant to be very natural. I will be giving out another elimination here but skipping the one for Shake Ya Body because I’m not judging the fucking dancing.

Yoanna-

Right, so this bitch is stunning. Her eyes are so piercing, her lips are full, the angle of her neck is to die for. I love this picture so much.

Mercedes-

Nice to see Mercedes up at the top where she belongs. I love the playful gleam in her eyes and the full lips. She really is a beautiful girl, albeit a little less striking than Yoanna.

April-

April, who has not attended my T-Zone camp, nor has she given half as shitty a picture as Saleisha’s Flower Power monstrosity, was told by the judges that she looked kind of androgynous in this picture, but I don’t really see it. I just see beautiful woman with lovely eyes and a pretty mouth.

Camille-

I love the bee-stung lips and the bug eyes. I don’t care that you can’t see her neck. Her face looks better than it ever has before.

Shandi-

This is an extremely boring picture, but she really does kind of epitomize natural. This looks like a very weird ad for perfume or something. I miss my Shandi who topped the photoshoots. Where has she gone to?

Sara-

I don’t really like her hands, but I think her eyes are very playful and pretty. Her mouth is kind of smirking, and it’s cute… but the hands are distracting.

Catie-

Janice speaks the truth. She looks like a 12 year old baby prostitute in this picture. It’s not bad, but it’s not model-y at all. It’s an invitation to a fetish party.

Standings-

Yoanna (2.8)- 4/1/4/3/5/2/1

April (3.4)- 2/7/2/8/1/1/3

Mercedes (3.4)- 1/5/5/1/7/3/2

Shandi (4.1)- 3/3/1/6/6/5/5

Sara (5)- 5/6/6/4/2/6/6

Catie (5.2)- 8/2/3/9/4/4/7

Camille (6.5)- 9/9/9/5/3/7/4

Jenascia- 7.2

Heather- 7.3

Xiomara- 7.4

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 0

Bethany- 0

Camille- 1

Catie- 2

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 0

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0

So, the girls were collectively judged on their Rollitos commercial and their black and white beauty shot, and then the following week, judged on their dancing in Tyra’s stupid video.

I am not going to judge them based on Tyra’s stupid video. What I’ll do instead is do one post about their Rollitos commercial and one post about their black and white beauty shoots. Seriously, who cares if they can dance?

Since this is ghetto ass cycle 2, there are no screenshots for me to post, so you’ll have to deal with my crappy, Youtube quality screen captures for the commercial.

First of all… here it is in its entirety:

Hahaha.

April-

She had this weird, ferocious anger in her voice and I think she stands out.

Yoanna-

Her voice sounds the best, and of course, I love her face. I just think she sounded a little stupid at times.

Mercedes-

Hahaha, she is SO cute. I don’t think she stands out as much as the other two, but she’s really adorable during the whole thing.

Catie-

She seemed a little robotic at times, plus she’s a crybaby beeyotch, so that doesn’t help.

Shandi-

I love Shandi so much, but she just seemed uncomfortable during this entire commercial. Her voice was like HAHAHA LIIIKE OMGG. It just isn’t very good.

Sara-

I had to watch this like five times to even get a screen capture of her. Does that mean that she really sucked in the commercial and they had no footage of her?

Camille-

I agree with the director– He said she had a weird accent or something and she definitely did. She doesn’t stand out, despite being a bold, look at me type of person.

Um hi. This was the most boring post ever, but YAY, I get to eliminate Camille. hahhaha. Oh, and Catie was eliminated this week, but I’ll just include that in the next entry.

Standings-

Yoanna (3.1)- 4/1/4/3/5/2

April (3.5)- 2/7/2/8/1/1

Mercedes (3.6)- 1/5/5/1/7/3

Shandi (4)- 3/3/1/6/6/5

Sara (4.8)- 5/6/6/4/2/6

Catie (5)- 8/2/3/9/4/4

Camille (7)- 9/9/9/5/3/7

Jenascia- 7.2

Heather- 7.3

Xiomara- 7.4

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 0

Bethany- 0

Camille- 1

Catie- 1

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 0

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL SHANDI EMERGE FROM HER SLUMP? AM I DESTINED TO AGREE WITH THE JUDGES TWO CYCLES IN A ROW?

Hahaha, every time I see this shoot, I think it says QUEEF Swimwear, despite it being Queench. I am so vulgar.

This shot is a complete failure! My top 3 underwhelms. Everyone looks dead in the face or just stupid. Getting a top call-out for this is hardly saying that much, hahahaha.

April-

Her pose is really cool and intense, and she has focus in her eyes. This looks very fluid and interesting.

Sara-

She actually looks like she’s swimming, which is really awesome. You can’t see her eyes very well, but they did a close-up on the show and she has a lot of energy behind them. Another picture that’s pretty good.

Camille-

I love that she’s under water and is able to pose like this. I wish you could see more of her face/neck which is why this is #3, but she’s the only one that actually shows improvement here. Pretty fierce.

Catie-

Dead eyes dead eyes dead eyes!!!! Her pose is the best one by far… It looks so awesome and complex, but her face is a complete mess.

Yoanna-

I’m more on Tyra’s side (You look like a giant baby being born) more than Janice’s (This is the worst photo ever). It’s not a great picture, but there is sort of a serene, fetal quality to this. I like that her face glows in the dark.

Shandi-

Dead eyed mime. This is a poor man’s version of Catie’s picture, which wasn’t that great to begin with. This is her worst picture of the cycle.

Mercedes-

She kind of looks like she’s handcuffed to an imaginary headboard or something and submissively waiting for her master to come and slap her around. Her face is reallly funny. Also her worst picture of the cycle.

Xiomara-

Queef indeed. That’s what she looks like she’s doing, facially and bodily speaking. Horrifying picture.

Standings-

Yoanna (3.4)- 4/1/4/3/5

Mercedes (3.8)- 1/5/5/1/7

Shandi (3.8)- 3/3/1/6/6

April (4)- 2/7/2/8/1

Sara (4.6)- 5/6/6/4/2

Catie (5.2)- 8/2/3/9/4

Camille (7)- 9/9/9/5/3

Jenascia- 7.2

Xiomara (7.4)- 6/11/10/2/8

Heather- 7.3

Bethany- 10.5

Anna- 12

Eliminations-

Anna- 1

April- 0

Bethany- 0

Camille- 0

Catie- 1

Heather- 0

Jenascia- 0

Mercedes- 0

Sara- 0

Shandi- 0

Xiomara- 3

Yoanna- 0