I’m going outside my comfort zone (ANTM) and doing a post on some 2008 awards that I think need to be acknowledged. These aren’t ‘name your top 5 in the big 8’ or anything along those lines. They are my own personal opinion, and if you don’t agree, you can suck it.

I am sure that this post will get more views than any of my top model posts combined. I’m okay with it. I’ll work extra hard since this will be the shining jewel in my not-so-illustrious blogging career. Without further ado-

Best Limited Performance (Male)-

Justin Long- Zack and Miri Make a Porno

What can I possibly say about this performance except ‘thank god’? In about 4.5 minutes, Long saves Zack and Miri from being decidedly unfunny and makes me think ‘Wow, okay… I actually might buy this as a comedy’. I can honestly say that I have never been more of a fan of gay porn.

Best line- ‘More like… Glen and Gary Suck Ross’ Meaty Cock and drop their hairy nuts into his eager mouth’

Runner up-

Tom Cruise- Tropic Thunder

In a movie that I found to be, personally, the funniest of the year, I have to give credit to Tom Cruise for cracking me up in every single scene. I think it’s so bad-ass that he agreed to appear in a film that basically mocks his entire career. He needs to wear a fat suit more often… I mean really. He got a Golden Globe for this shit. It’ll work again, Tom. Kudos to you for a hilarious, hilarious performance.

Best Line- ‘Now I want you to take a step back… and LITERALLY FUCK YOUR OWN FACE’.

Best Limited Performance (Female)-

Tilda Swinton- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Perhaps also the most criminally underused element of a bloated borefest. She wouldn’t have much competition though, seeing as how few movies wasted as much of my time as Benjamin Button. She is perhaps the closest thing this movie has to heart, and I mostly credit her for that, seeing as how she is an actress of indescribable talent who could probably fart and still be praised for it. BALLS TO THE WALL, TILDY. I LOVE YOU.

Runner Up-

Amy Ryan in Changeling-

She is to gritty, grubby women as Amy Adams is to happy, smiling joyful princesses (or nuns, or pregnant women. You get the idea) . Her role in Changeling was so brief, and yet so good. She managed to outact Jolie every second of the way, and had it been more developed, would have been her second taste at Oscar fame. I really believe that. She’s so awesome. Here’s hoping that we see more of this bitch and her foul mouth.

Best Body of Work-

James Franco in Milk and Pineapple Express-

He saved me from wanting to kill myself in the otherwise unfunny ‘Pineapple Express’ (Seth Rogen take note… you sucked this year) by portraying a pot dealer that made greasy hair adorable, and proved to the world that he actually meant something as a dramatic actor. He may not have emerged victorious from the Milk men, but I was impressed with his soft, ‘supportive wife’ performance in the Gus Vant Sant film.  Although I don’t nominate him for either performance, he impressed me greatly in both. I’m thrilled that he received some sort of praise for both performances. Oh, and it really doesn’t hurt that he’s sexy. Like, really, really sexy.

Movie that should have been an Oscar contender but wasn’t-

Nothing but the Truth-

Presenting two of the best female performances of the year with nothing but BFCA nominations to show for it. Also noteable is the work of Alan Alda and Matt Dillon. Thanks to the distributor basically going under, the only way to see this movie is by illegal download. I don’t usually condone that, but this is worth it.

Speaking of Vera, that bitch was kind of awesome this year in two movies that pretty much no one saw-

She was by far my favorite boy in the depressing but still pretty good ‘The Boy in Striped Pajamas’. Completely ignored for excellent work– Farmiga is officially atop my list for most underrated actress working today. She’s unique, she’s beautiful, she’s bizarre as hell and on top of that, she always delivers on screen.

Battle of the Psycho-Paths-

Jason Butler Harner was a huge shock to me in Changeling… all creepy tics and bug eyes… A performance that not a lot of people seem to understand, as I’ve seen him on more worst lists than best… But I liked him. I found him ridiculously superior to Jeffrey Donovan, and completely appropriate in a movie already seeping with melodrama and over the top performances. Another shock for me was the work of Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road, who has pretty much solidified a typecast of weird, twitchy psycho. In a performance that totals less than 10 minutes, he is by far my favorite part of Revolutionary Road as the only person that really understands the dysfunction of Frank and April Wheeler. His Oscar nomination was a huge shock, and a great one. Another performance that has people split… You either love it or hate it, it seems. And then of course, in what is inarguably the most popular performance of the year, we have Heath Ledger. It’s a performance the ages, causing people to forget Jack Nicholson did the part first (not an easy feat) and break Oscar tradition so many times over (He won’t get in! He’s dead! He’s in a comic book movie).

It’s a bittersweet performance– It’s sad that he was never around to see the impact he made on pop culture and that he wasn’t alive to collect the Oscar that is inevitably coming his way soon- but at the same time, Ledger is so good that I forget to be sad when I see it. His presence is resonant in every frame and feels longer than it actually is. It’s truly a revelation in acting, and this is the first time I’ve ever actually gushed about it. Suck it, he was great.

‘I Missed the Memo’ Movie-

How this movie is on any top 10 lists is beyond me. Mediocre year or not (I personally don’t think it was)… this is not a top 10 movie. Perhaps the weakest of the Apatow and Imitators franchise… I really was left cold. Sure, the women are hot, and the music was pretty good, but best comedy? Over the likes of Tropic Thunder, Role Models… Even The House Bunny? Hell. No.

Part 2 to follow.

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