Once again, please DO NOT hyperlink photos from me. I’m not paying for Photobucket Pro, so if you want them, find them online like I did.

I’ll start with the makeovers, and then I’ll do the photoshoots. Makeovers will be in alphabetical order, cuz I can’t possibly rank them when so many of them are hilarious.

Allison-

I knew this was coming, but it still shocked me a little bit. She looks a lot like Jenah now… and it actually looks kind of good, despite washing her out a little. Seriously… does anyone look good with piss blonde hair? I can’t get over her big eyes… I think they’re so amazing for fashion and they stand out in every picture. I would have preferred maybe a darker brown with some blonde highlights, but I’m getting used to this look.

Aminat-

It’s not right, but it’s okay. I liked her fro… she was more unique with the big fluffy hair, but she really is gorgeous no matter how you cut it. She looks so much like Danielle now, which could be a good thing or a bad thing, seeing as how uh, they already have a Danielle winner, but she was also gorgeous. I’m hoping she embraces it.

Celia-

This picture doesn’t really do her any justice… She looks a little bewildered and old, but the cut really does work for her… Her cheekbones are insane, so it emphasizes her bone structure so well. This picture makes me worry about a beauty shot or something (Or a Covergirl picture… Seriously, can we ditch Covergirl already? They suck) because she doesn’t look very ‘fresh’. It’s the Renee diss. Thankfully, we haven’t heard much about her looking old, so maybe she’s in the clear for now.

Fo-

Can you say BABE ALERT? You can tell she’s not happy about it, which makes the picture less hot than it could be… But she needs to fucking deal with it, because she looks AMAZING. She’s almost like a baby Halle Berry with the new look. Probably my favorite makeover, so I hope she doesn’t turn into Cycle 7’s Jaeda on us and start sucking at life.

Jessica-

First of all, prom queen, you aren’t looking so hot. Is there something in your eye? Have you been forgetting your hourly throw-up regimen? You’re looking a little weak-chinned, princess. I seriously cannot stand this one. Anyway, I thought maybe I liked it when I saw it at panel– I’m constantly scrunching my hair to give it wave, but it never works– but it looks sort of ratty, and it’s brand new. Maybe she couldn’t keep her mitts off it, but it’s fake hair… Isn’t it? It’s not supposed to have flyaways yet.

Kortnie-

She really does look like a bitch when she photographs, doesn’t she?! Again, I don’t see plus-sized as much as I see big tits, and sour-puss expression. I’m all for the somber, glamour girl expression, but she looks seriously snobby about someting. As for the color… I’m still a little on the fence about it. I think it’s a little brassy, but I absolutely love the bangs and the length, so it’s not a complete disaster.

Liverpool-

Ah, good… The Liverpool I know and dislike. She looks blank as hell here. Maybe the peroxide is burning her brain. I like the short cut… It means she can’t wear that stupid 60s homeless bitch headband, but I’m not into the color at all. I think the bleach blonde is better left alone. And since I didn’t mention it in last night’s recap, her hips are wider than her chest. That’s not a good thing. Sorry, I have to be a bitch about Liverpool whenever possible.

Natalie-

Well, nothing changed so I guess there’s nothing to say but ‘Looking good’. She really is pretty… She parts her hair on the same side as me and she has bushy brows like me. I’m on the Natalie train, even if they’re giving her a boring edit.

Nijah-

I tuned special agent T out when she was describing Nijah’s makeover, but I think it was something about a wavy weave. Well, she looks great. She’s probably the prettiest one in the competition, and about the fifth with her belly button pierced. I just noticed how many of those navel studs we’ve got. Is that allowed in the modeling world?!

Sandra-

I’m just pissed that Tyra didn’t do this to Jessica, who also needed a trip back down to reality. I’m sure Sandra got Jade’s cell phone number somehow and gave her a call and asked for styling tips, to which Jade’s reply was ‘I’m sorry, you don’t have the right qualifications to speak to me’, and hung up on Sandra the wannabe bitch. It really is just terrible… I like imagining her without the grayish blonde, and it’s just so much better. SO much better.

Tahlia-

Gah, her burn scars make me sad, but then I remind myself that drawing pity out of the viewer does not equal model. She is just not the girl for this competition. I like the new hair though… They kept her wavy, but she’s less school librarian now.

Teyona-

I had no idea that they made chocolate flavored Ramen! Oh wait, that’s just Teyona’s weave. Let me take this time to point out that her body is AMAZING, but that hair looks like the curly chunks you could put on MyStyle Barbie. I hope Tyra gives her something better.

And now, the photoshoot. These are in order from best to worst:

Allison-

God, I love her. She’s all busted up, like a REAL MODEL. This picture of her looks like a legit ad or something, and it’s awesome. The glowing vibrators are enhancing her eyes and the perfect spot on her leg. I hate to admit it, but her makeover looks pretty good here, like some strung out Barbie amidst a pile of garbage (Oy, I didn’t make the rules of fashion!)

Liverpool-

She looks like an 80s acid rocker, and it’s AMAZING. The light is hitting her in all the right places… And all of her proportion issues are missing! Seriously, she looks awesome! I’m going to have to start liking her or something. PLEASE MESS UP, LIVERPOOL. MESS UP SOON.

Celia-

She looks sort of like that guy that sang ‘Cars’ in the 80s… This whole shoot is sort of a flashback to the 80s, no? I love all the angles her body is making, and even though she’s on the side, my eye goes straight to her. I have to point out how fucking ridiculous Sandra looks. She looks sort of like a combo of (I keep typing Fo and it’s pissing me off. Just thought I’d share that) Ebony’s (C1) Snake photo and like… RuPaul. It’s really disturbing.

Natalie-

This is the best picture all around. All of the other girls look awesome too, so it could be a logical ad. Slap a label for… I dunno… Vibrators, and stick it in a dirty mag. I love her rack, first and foremost, and I LOVE her pose… The hand over the head is so interesting looking. Her face isn’t as engaged as the three before her, which is why she’s in fourth, but I love the body the most here.

Fo-

This is probably one of my favorite pictures that Tyra has stuck in the bottom 2. I think she looks so cool and sort of pissed off, which works considering how she was so blubbery on the set. The light, along with that haircut (I’m still in shock that Tyra was so right about it) really do wonders for her face.

Teyona-

Right, hi. I know I’m supposed to love her, because she was called first and she’s probably going to win the whole thing, but I don’t think this picture is all that and a big of chips. She looks 700 feet tall, which is cool, but she’s sort of relying on the board to hold her up, at least from what I see. She would look sort of cool with short hair, don’t you think? Her ramen weave is hidden, and her face is prettier than it’s ever been.

Here’s where it all goes downhill:

Nijah-

I love the pose, but the eyes are dead. She looks like she’s about to cry and/or fall asleep. The good thing is that she doesn’t look ridiculous and I do notice her… even though Allison looks infinitely better. Seriously, she’s just sitting there and she looks like an ad. Can we please dub her Mini Burdeu or something? Australia’s Alice Burdeu had this knack of just staring blankly at the camera and looking like a high fashion goddess, and our little creepychan is doing the same thing. Ugh, I’m as bad as the editors on ANTM… I’m over Nijah in about five words. Nijah, please (teehee), step it up for me, you gorgeous creature.

Sandra-

Kortnie looks better in this picture than she does in the one that was chosen for her… Just sayin. Anywho, Sandra does look pretty stupid, but she is highlighting her face, which I guess was sort of the point of the shoot. I don’t think her face looks very good though, so maybe she should highlight her tits or something instead. Still, I have to appreciate her not looking crazed like um, one of the last photos I’ll feature.

Kortnie-

Paulina wasn’t kidding when she said that Kortnie did herself no favors by placing the vibrators where she did. She looks almost lethargic, in a way… like she’s got no energy to move her body. It’s really not too sexy, which is too bad, because I think her face is really quite pretty, but the body had every chance to shine in this picture and… it doesn’t.

Aminat-

It pains me to put my girlfriend Aminat this low, but she doesn’t rock this. I look at Celia first, and then Kortnie and THEN Aminat. She’s making a weird expression, but I don’t hate the pose as much as the judges did. At least she’s moving. Homegirl needs to rock it next week, or her ass is so grass. I hate that she let Sandra intimidate her at the photoshoot 😦

Tahlia-

GAHHHH AUGHHHHH OMGGGG. She looks like a man trying to spread his mangina out for the world to see! IT’S NOT HOT. Tahlia, pleeeease, stick to looking pretty. Her face is DEAD. I hate this picture. It’s terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE.

BUT IT’S NOT THE WORST. FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW, PLEASE WELCOME-

Jessica-

Hahahahaha, FORGET DRAG QUEEN. This one is straight up dude, and not even sexy dude like Jaslene’s Gender Swap thing. Her arms look like spaghetti, her face looks like a ghost’s, and her mouth looks like shes sucking on a lemon. I’m gonna give it to you straight Jess… U-G-L-Y. You have officially been called ugly a day in your life. Horrible picture.

Standings-

Allison (2.5)- 4/1

Celia (2.5)- 2/3

London (2.5)- 3/2

Fo (3)- 1/5

Natalie (4.5)- 5/4

Teyona (7)- 8/6

Nijah (7)- 7/7 (Oh my god… I’m falling for the boring edit. Must stop now!)

Aminat (8)- 6/10

Kortnie (9.5)- 10/9

Sandra (9.5)- 11/8

Tahlia (10)- 9/11

Isabella- 12

Jessica (12.5)- 13/12

Eliminations-

Allison- 0

Aminat- 0

Celia- 0

Fo- 0

Isabella- 0

Jessica- 2

London- 0

Kortnie- 0

Natalie- 0

Nijah- 0

Sandra- 0

Tahlia- 0

Teyona- 0

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