This episode reached all new levels of boring, so it’ll be the shortest one I’ve ever done. Sorry guys… It is what it is. I guess along with shrinking Tyra and the contestants, the producers also decided to make this show less retarded and slightly legit to compensate for the lack of height thing. Nice, but bad for sarcastic blogging.
Things we Learned on ANTM this Week-
-Loving your picture that is awesome (like you, and YOU KNOW IT) and even secretly loving your boob that is threatening to bust out is grounds for a bottom 3 appearance and a quote from a short ass model saying that you’re ‘not all there’.
-Erin has totally been given the Natalie edit for this cycle… Personalityless on set, great pictures, possibly catty but possibly the victim of editing.
She pushed people out of the way to try and win a challenge (she lost to Sundae, btw) and then when she was called out about her recent stankishness, she started crying and blamed fatigue. BITCH, PLEASE. You can’t have it both ways. At least Natalie never started bawling after being called S-T-U-P-I-D.
Biyanka doesn’t want to be in the bottom 2 again. Can you say kiss of death? I can! Of course, Biyanka was eliminated this week for basically looking like a man in her photos. Poor ‘Yank. She didn’t look so bad in this week’s shot (more on that soon), and I think that, in general, she just had some lingering abuse issues that made her seem unpleasant. But she wasn’t too terrible. Not even close to the level of our original Biyanka, that’s for sure.
-Putting the chill on a popsicle is a vair good thing. Also, saying ‘oh my god’ in apparent fear about a really stupid challenge is endearing when you’re the prettier, less bitchy half of the albino club.
-Now that Biyanka AND Luly are gone, we need someone with a new nickname. I vote this week’s receiver of first call out (which was a funky chicken… Tyra, who shot the photos, and Mr. Jay chose the best performance on set and that person was exempt from elimination AND got to do a photoshoot for Tyra’s website)…
That’s Angela Bettis, by the way. Not Brittany. But their resemblance is sort of freaky… Brittany is probably a little less coked out, but Angela is less pointy. So… Brittany is now Angela. When I remember. Also, she did nothing else of consequence this episode, so I don’t feel guilty not finding a GIF of her.
-You can look like an ‘after shot’ of an extremely terrible face lift that mated with a reindeer and still get second call out on this show. Also, if you are the token Asian, you will be commended for screaming like a horny chicken on set and getting a shot that is not remotely ‘beauty’esque and instead makes me wretch in horror.
-Being a gorgeous, flawless looking emo child guarantees you a second or fourth call out until otherwise noted-
-If you are discovered on the Tyra Banks show, you can survive 3 wardrobe changes and be subjected to a ‘falling short’ joke.
… yeah, sorry, Ashley’s way too boring for a GIF.
-Going to Wal-Mart every five minutes is only acceptable if your name is pronounced like an ice cream product
-Wind machines benefit those with homemade clothes made by a fierce woman named Wanda Sue-
That was in reference to Laura, by the way. She also taught me that admitting to being a loser can be endearing, but only if you’re from the South.
-Nigel Barker is being extra utilized and it’s grossing me out. Also, his wife is pretty, but she’s a robot.
-You can be second eliminated on ANTM and be acknowledged 5 cycles later in a top models in action segment. Maybe sometime this millenium, they’ll acknowledge Elyse Sewell-
-ANTM is totally trying to be Australia by playing ridiculous elimination music (seriously, it was like a bleating TOOOPP MOOOOODELLL type yodel thing). It almost distracted me from Biyanka’s elimination speech, was by far her most endearing moment in this competition. Also, this seems like a nice place to point out that olive green is totally that woman’s color, and she’s never looked more beautiful. EVER.
Uh, here’s the call out order!
Brittany (Chosen at the shoot and exempt from elimination)
Jennifer (One of the worst shots of the cycle and the only major faux pas in the call out order), Rae, Nicole, Erin, Laura, Sundai, Kara, Ashley, Bianca. Obviously, I’ll do my photoshoot ranking tomorrow… Tyra’s shoots are usually pretty well done and this panel was no exception.
Oh god, look what I’ve been reduced to. Complimenting Tyra. Dear lawd.
Anyway, thank you for sticking with me despite this uber-dull episode. I hope the excessive media makes up for the lack of witty text. I considered just writing BIYANKA WENT HOME and posting that, hahaha. I will be featuring a special episode on the many faces of Tyra sometime before the next episode to make up for this utter joke of a recap.
Oh, and since I stole a couple of his GIFs again, I urge you all to go to Fourfour.typepad.com.
Thank you for reading, as always ❤