I don’t want to get my hopes up and think that maybe Nicole will win this thing, but damn, that girl is amazing. She totally broke the ‘awkward girls suck at go-sees’ stigma and WON, and then took the best photo, by far. I said GODDAMN, I love this chick.

In fact, I love her so much that I’m going to not rag on Jennifer at all and rather, will just focus on the positive things of the episode. Most notably-

The Go-Sees Were Awesome-

The clients actually included plausible jobs for itty bitty models. A commercial, a jewelry company, etc. Awesome things that happened during said go-sees:

-Nicole was told she was beautiful, versatile, fabulous and bookable. And she was wearing black framed nerdy glasses. Oh lawd, she is beautiful. Also, BITCH WON THE GO-SEE CHALLENGE. YESSSSS.

-Rae used a Minnesota accent for her commercial audition and it was all kinds of awesome.

-A photographer told Erin to ‘not smile with her eyes’, but to give them a little more life. Oh Tyra, did you know that your ‘advice’ is being undermined by the real world?

-Brittany put her shoes on a table at one of the clients offices and I swear to god, she shot a dog too, based on their reaction. The women in charge were like I DON’T WANT THOSE SHOES NEAR MY COLLECTION.

-Kara, who I really do like, was called scruffy and greasy. Is this mean? Yes, yes it is. But that bitch had a major case of stank this episode.

So while we’re on this matter, let’s discuss the major Mean Girls mentality in the house. Seriously, Erin looked Nicole in the eye and said ‘They just wanted to give you a win’… Whoa now. That’s not Regina George, that’s Courtney Alice Shayne. Then, Kara and Sundai started bitching about how much Nicole sucks, and Kara even went on to say that she hated Nicole. Wow, overdramatic much? So ultimately, that’s why I’m glad Kara got told she was greasy and that she and Sundai were in the bottom 2 this week… Regina and Gretchen Weiners, you’ve been served a hefty dose of karma. Also, both of their pictures sucked, and Nicole’s yet another first call out worthy shot. Yeahhhh, boyyy. Oh and, Nigel, by the way, is Karen Smith. He’s always menstruating about Nicole’s stoner voice, which honestly, is the one thing that worries me, because I’m afraid they’ll dump the YOU DON’T HAVE RAINBOWS BUBBLING OUT OF YOUR ASS bullshit on her like they’ve done to so many other amazing models. Seriously, looking at the non-success of all the past winners, you’d think that spewing rainbows would no longer be a concern. OKAY, RANT OVER.

I, uh, feel like now is a great time to tell everyone that I thought Jessica White was RuPaul when I saw her on the judging panel.

Whoops.

Whoops.

But actually, when I look at this photo, I understand why Furonda doesn’t have much post-show work.

Other things I learned on ANTM this week-

-Rae drives like an 80 year old.

-The Wilhelmina guy has some serious sass in him… He friggin BARKED at Rae and Sundai (who were late arriving back from their go-sees) about wasting money and all this shit. Oh, it was so funny.

-You can look really modelly in pictures, but not in person but sort of actually in person and be told you’ve never had any light in your photos even though you got a first call out in week 1. I also just realized that all three of these points have been about Rae.

-Kara apparently ‘showed her beautiful face’ in week 1, despite being told by Dumbtard Nigel that she was showing too much profile, and also, Tyra thought she was going to make the top 3.

-TYRA USED TO DRIVE AROUND L.A WITH NO GPS.

-Brittany is definitely getting the ‘too sexy’ edit because they friggin BLURRED HER TITS OUT DURING KARA’S ELIMINATION. OH SNAP, LIKE 10 SECONDS AFTER TYRA TOLD HER THAT HER TOP WAS TOO LOW AND WOULD LIKE PORN ON TYRA HERSELF. THEY BLURRED OUR HER ITTY BITTY TITTIES. I’M STILL LAUGHING.

-Laura tried to do a hoodrat accent, and even though I loved her, it was really bad. Also, she doesn’t know how to use a parking meter.

-Having un-pierced ears is a sin in fashion. Just ask Kara. She seriously was like 0/4 this episode.

-Praying for 1 minute in traffic will get you back to Wilhelmina on time. I won’t tell you who said this. You can guess yourself.

-Fo has done enough to garner a Top Model in Action spot. Work it out, shortest girl of Cycle 12 who would still be taller than all these girls, bahahaha.

An update on the current edits-

Nicole- A possible winners edit. She’s being hated on by everyone except Laura. It’ll be a big eff you to them if she wins. Also, Tyra seems to like her.

Jennifer- Still a very plausible winner… Modeling through her um, eye issue.

Laura- Fun and lovable, but probably not going to be taken seriously when it comes down to crunch time.

Rae- Not modelesque enough in person.

Erin- Lacking in personality.

Sundai- Bad photos, but being kept around because she fits the mold for ‘majorly overstayed welcome’ that is so common on ANTM

Brittany- Too sexy.

Also, since the photos were leaked a week early (THANKS YAHOO TV!), I’m going to rank the links in this post (they’re pretty big, so it’s better that way), along with my updated call-out scores. I’ve made some slight tweaks. Nothing majah though.

Nicole– Homegirl was on fire this week. All three of these pictures are fantastic.

Brittany– She’s got some seriously great face going on here… She’s not looking starving or anything… nice cheekbones and eyes.

Erin– I know that I always seem to have her in perma-third (check the UPDATED CALL OUT SCORES below to see some minor tweaks) but I can’t rank this higher than the other two. I mostly like the far right photo… I think the orgasm over the middle one is a little unjustified, personally, but yet again, this is a strong, intense shot.

Laura– She’s great, of course, but this doesn’t really stand out that much for me. Nothing wrong here, but just sort of cute, and not special.

Jennifer– I like the middle one. A lot. But I don’t like the ones on the left or right at all. Resisting urge to make Forrest comments. I’m being good, but only this week, since she wasn’t heinously overrated. OKAY, MOVING ON, I SWEAR…

Rae- Same thing as Jennifer, only I don’t think her middle photo is as good as Jennifer’s. Yes, gorgeous and ethereal Rae is underperforming for me this week. She looks like she wants to spear my face.

Kara- I like the middle one a lot (I’m sensing a pattern) but the ones on the left and right are actually… pretty bad. Who knows if this is really an indication of her performance, but her pictures did go a bit… downhill.

STILL, IT IS BS THAT KARA WENT WHEN SUNDAI LIVES ON-

Sundai– Reality check for this one, plz and thanks. Every shot is the same face, the same leg, bland, bland, bland. She should have gone, major stankosity and jealousy from Kara or not. And she won’t win, so why get her hopes up?

I’d just like to point out that that isn’t all that different from the actual call out order. Oh god, what is going on here?

Call Out Scores *Updated*

Nicole (2)- 1/2/2/2/4/1

Erin (3)- 4/4/1/3/3/3

Laura (3.8)- 6/1/5/6/1/4

Rae (4.1)- 2/7/7/1/2/6

Courtney (5.5)- 3/8

Brittany (5.6)- 9/3/11/4/5/2

Kara (5.8)- 5/5/3/7/8/7

Luly (6.6)- 8/6/6

Rachel- 7

Jennifer (8.1)- 10/11/4/10/9/5

Sundai (8.3)- 14/9/8/5/6/8

Ashley (9.2)- 11/10/9/9/7

Biyanka (10.7)- 13/12/10/8

Lisa- 12

In conclusion, I will not apologize for my Nicolegasm. This girl is divine. She is amazing. She is my favorite contestant since Creepychan.

Wow, I just realized that I wrote ‘Sundai’ all recap instead of Sundae. I must really be mad at her.

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