I decided to do a wrap-up of the petite cycle, which ended up being pretty much amazing, in my opinion.
I still mourn the loss of this one. She was almost certainly a plant, seeing as how she has about twelve online acting profiles. I don’t care. This bitch would have been a ton of fun. She probably would have been toast relatively early on, since she could barely speak without foaming at the mouth about Jesus. If she’d made it to the Covergirl commercials… Oh lawd, can you imagine?
Love you, Amber!
Moving right along:
Initial impression- I liked her legs and her smile. I thought she had a much too substantial upper body for fashion (and I’m right. Look at her tits threatening to break free right there!). She has the best eyebrows (or rather, the ONLY eyebrows) of the cycle.
Was I Right? We didn’t really see much of her until the recap episode, and she appeared to have a personality. Her picture was one of the worst, right down there with Sundai’s HAY GURL baby picture. Side note– If anyone HAS a screenshot of Lisa’s actual baby picture, I’d love to have it… So cute.
Prediction? When I did my VERY first predictions, I had her leaving second. Not bad.
Initial impression- I inexplicably loved her, despite saying that she reminded me of this stupid bitch I used to go to elementary school with. I stand by her having some of the nicest short legs in the cycle, and it’s evidenced here.
Was I right? Listen, Rachel was totally robbed. She was told to sing on cue at a go-see (which, color me shocked! Is apparently a requirement for a model!) and then eliminated because she couldn’t. Side note– She sang on The Tyra Show and I can understand why she didn’t want people to hear her paper thin soprano in the first place. Sorry, just being honest. But yeah, her baby picture, while a bit amateur, wasn’t the worst and she deserved to stay. I’d probably put her right around seventh. I dunno if she would have been able to do a strong commercial.
Prediction- She was my one major faux pas. I had her coming in 3rd or 5th. Yikes. My bad.
Initial Impression- I thought she had a kickin’ little body, and possessed absolutely no edge whatsoever. I also REALLY liked her, because she was pretty. Hahaha.
Was I right? Yes… Sort of. And although she didn’t deserve her elimination, she was stank enough that I dunno if I’m too sad about when she left. It needs to be said, however, that the above shot of her is one of the best baby photos of the week. Also, why the eff would you try out for a modeling show when you have a busted foot?
Prediction- I said she’d leave first due to the girls usually being put into some semi high-fashion scenario for the initial photoshoot. She worked it out, and she did poorly but not close to the worst in week 2, but her attitude ultimately was the cause of her elimination.
Initial impression: People were sort of blowing their load over her being gay and stuff. I liked her a pretty fair amount (she came in just under Courtney in my initial impressions of the girls), especially her legs. I thought she seemed fun.
Was I right? In terms of her modeling capabilities, I was spot on. Her legs WERE great, and none of her pictures were bad. I actually firmly believe that her elimination was a little uh… premature. As for her being fun-loving and homo… Yeah, no. And she has that stupid tattoo on her tits.
Prediction- Oh, here’s another one I fucked up. Sixth. Mah bad.
Initial impression: Wasn’t interested. She reminded me of a less beautiful Nnenna and I hated her for being bald and named Biyanka, like my Cycle 9 bitchy bitch.
Was I right? She was a bit misunderstood, to be honest. Some of the girls were over the top bitchy to her. She couldn’t really model though, could she? Most of her pictures are horrible, although I, and I realize I’m alone in this, really like the one shown above. Also, she looks great in olive green.
Prediction- I had her coming in 9th.
Initial impression: I was completely bored. I thought she had the most forgettable face and a body that wasn’t worth noting. I liked her shirt.
Was I right? She turned out to be one of the weaker models, although her makeover shot is the best of the bunch (seen above), and she truly was a victim of editing. Homegirl is a serious sweetheart.
Prediction- I had her leaving us third, so I wasn’t too far off there.
Initial impression: I, like most of us, thought she was a bit severe. I immediately compared her to Allison Janney, who isn’t really the person you want to look like when you’re 19. I thought she had a versatile look that could handle any hair style.
Was I right? I was right to like her (I actually ranked her sixth in my initial impressions) but all my ‘logic’ was wrong. She wasn’t especially versatile and looked downright manly in her last couple of shots. But! Her face was great and yes, severe, but it worked for her.
Prediction- I had her wayyy too high, either coming in 3rd or 5th.
Initial Impression- I pretty much ripped her a new asshole. I said she had mall rat with a ceramic straightener candy floss blonde hair and fat legs. What a bitch.
Was I right? In short? Fuck no. Her baby photo, not even shown here, was one of the strongest of the cycle and totally dreamy. This girl had an ethereal and stunning look in her shots, and while her body wasn’t the best, she had a leg up (pahahaha, I crack myself up) with her insane photogenic-ness. Probably closer to my top 3, not my bottom 2 like I initially thought. Oh, and she didn’t deserve to go when she did. Though neither did fellow bottom 2-er Erin.
Prediction: I had her fourth out. Boo hiss.
Initial impression- I had good things to say. She was my fifth favorite… A little slutty looking in her picture but potentially just photographed at a weird moment. I thought she had some kickass legs as well.
Was I right? She was an enigma to me all cycle. At first, I loved her makeover, but a week later, she looked gaunt and frail to me. And while she had some strong shots, she had some stinkers too. Also, her voice was annoying. She deserved to make it further than Sundai, damn right, but I don’t comprehend how people wanted her to win the cycle.
Prediction- I was thinkin 7th. Not bad.
Initial impression- I actually LIKED her long, ratty ass weave. She immediately stole my heart in episode 1 with her emotional description of her pre- ANTM life. And believe it or not, she was actually in my top 7, initially.
Was I right? Bitch was the epitome of a one look wonder. Every photo, with this one representing it the least, had the same pursed lip, 3/4 profile thing. Maybe she thought she could copy Teyonasaurus Rex and get a win with that?? Also, she appeared to be a bit on the stank side, instigating shit a lot. But I still liked her.
Prediction- What with her being the shortest, I predicted a 4th place finish. Thank god I was wrong.
Initial Impression: I immediately predicted a token Asian winner, though truth be told, I was never sold on her.
Was I right? Heh… Let’s just say that she disappointed me. Often. I love the above photo, and I loved her Covergirl commercial. Short of that, she could have left like third and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. It turns out that she has one hell of a personality and she provided me with countless entertainment but let’s be real… This is a modeling competition and being a gigglesnort isn’t an excuse for mediocre pictures.
Prediction- Big winner, obviously.
Tough call on the best shot, by the way. She had more than one to choose from.
Initial impression: I immediately jumped the bandwagon on the Eringasm, ranking her as my second favorite. She was sporting some great calves. I was afraid she’d be the letdown of the cycle and though she was treated as such, she didn’t deserve that reputation at all.
Was I right? As stated above, she didn’t deserve any of her bottom 2s except the commercial one, and it was Sundai who should have been booted, not one of the albino twins. Erin was the second best portfolio of the show, bar none, so it’s fair to say that I was very much spot on.
Initial impression: Believe it or not, she was in my top 3. Granted, she looks nothing like her promo picture, but I can proudly say that 3/4 of the top 4 were 3 of my initial favorites!
Was I right? Although she took some seriously cute shots in the earlier rounds, she blossomed a little bit too early and was kept around moreso for her personality than for her modeling prowess. Even during the finale, all she could talk about was how great her personality was.
Prediction: Wayyyy off base, I had her way down in 10th place.
And now… my sparkling diamond.
Initial impression- Immediate lust.
Was I right? Yes.
Prediction- I had her getting the inexplicable 4th place elimination, when they need to boot someone awesome to justify a shitty winner. She continued to surprise, week after week, with her excellent performance in all departments– go-sees, commercials, photoshoots. Just let the record show that I was a believer from day 1 and I NEVER. WAVERED.
There’s a first for everything!
So, without further ado… If I had been running the show, here’s how the elimination order would have gone:
14th- Sundai. Weakest photo, personality be damned.
Fuck the Wilhelmina elimination after just one photo. A single elimination at the horse photoshoot gets rid of:
13th- Biyanka. Easily the worst shot of the cycle.
12th- Lisa. Beautiful girl, but forgettable. I can’t see being tall as a strong suit for her. Brittany’s photo is terrible, but the previous two photoshoots save her.
11th- Ashley. As we all saw, her beauty shot just wasn’t up to par with the other girls.
Double elimination right here for this stupid photoshoot?? Shore!
9th- Jennifer. Bar none, the worst Cirque photo. A great performance in the Elongate Yourself photoshoot isn’t enough to save you.
9th- Luly. Had taken great shots, but I can just see the results here being terrible.
8th- Courtney. I probably have her ranked way too high, but she had a nice face. Maybe she would have surprised us all. Still, the Ninja shots were all about lengthening and stuff, and I dunno how she would have done.
7th- Rachel. Probably not likely to produce a strong Covergirl commercial.
Leaving me with an overseas group of Nicole, Erin, Laura, Rae, Brittany and Kara.
6th- Kara. Without the automatic joke of Sundai, I think Kara’s face would have been much too severe for this kind of a shoot.
5th- Brittany. Another that I probably have ranked too high, but her work at least justifies this position, even if she wasn’t my favorite. She either would have kicked ass in the underwater thing or sucked majorly. I’ll go with the latter.
Fuck double eliminations.
4th- Laura. Her picture was compared to Rachel Hunter. Pfffft. Laura was hot, but this was a good spot for her to leave us at.
3rd- Rae. Based on their performances in the first Covergirl commercials, my guess is that both Erin and Rae would choke. Again. But, Erin’s portfolio ultimately contains more gems than that of Rae’s, and she gets that always sad 3rd place ranking.
Runner-Up- Erin. Just like I originally predicted. Call it the Melrose effect or something– a perfectionist getting the runner-up slot. Her portfolio is delicious and she had incredible potential. But nobody really compares to my…
Winner- Nicole!!!!!! Flawless picture after flawless picture, a great commercial performance, impressive stint on the go-sees. Her only mishap was her runway walk but are these bitches really gonna be walking major catwalks? I think not. Without a doubt, my favorite contestant of all time. Sorry Anya and Creepychan ❤
Hope you enjoyed my final thoughts on the cycle! Please keep reading Euphoria, as I think I’m going to recap Cycle 9 in the future, just for shits and giggles.