This episode of ANTM actually repulsed me… Moreso than the nastiness of Naduah and the crappy elimination of Simone. No, the thing that irked was the challenge on chemistry with a male model, who was none other than has-been Nigel Barker, who is still referred to as a ‘noted fashion photographer’ despite doing nothing except shoot on ANTM and the occasional foreign spinoff.

Don’t let anyone fool you… Jessica won the challenge for more or less giving him a handjob. Not surprisingly, she received a first call out for the kinky Japanese schoolgirl themed photoshoot. We’ll know that being macked on by Nigel is the kiss of death if she gets eliminated next week. See: Clark from Cycle 11, who basically sat on Nigel’s face during the fierce eyes photoshoot and got a first call out and then was axed one panel later. Bahaha, so kickass.

I gotta say… Jessica really gives like 500% percent in the enthusiasm department. No matter what, she’s excited about something…

Hey Jess… you won the challenge this week!

Hey Jess… you’re ‘pretty enough to go ugly’ and when you ‘go ugly, it works!’

Hey Jess… Nigel blew his load in you and knocked you up!

But seriously… I absolutely love this girl. She took the best shot this week, bar none, and went for it despite the ridiculousness of the challenge. Inappropriate comments of the week come from two of my male roommates, who decided to come in and watch ANTM with me and gave commentary on whether each girl was bangable. Jessica received a resounding yes and an enthusiastic

from one, who’d had about 12 beers.

I was glad to see Anslee get some praise for her photo, which was stunning, facially, and quirky, bodily. I continue to be a fan of hers, even though I’m a dying breed. She had a major bottom 2 edit, all weepy about missing her daughter and then on the phone with her pops, who I think referred to her as ‘Boots’ which is awesome. My guess is that she’ll peace out next week or soon after since she was reduced to ‘shoulder up’ model, thanks to a boxy figure and fantastic bone structure. Roommate consensus? Tappable, but only in the glasses/tank top librarian getup she wore to panel.

Krista continues to baffle me for doing next to nothing and receiving lavish amounts of praise. She also continues to do nothing on the show. My roommates would not tap that. Next please.

I’m getting pissed off with Tyra trying to pass Angelea off as a model. Her shot this week received second call out AGAIN, despite having an Adams Apple to rival Isis’ and a total ‘OOH GIRL’ expression. Disgusting. I am, in a way, thrilled that she’s still around though because during the stroke Nigel Barker’s package challenge, she did some weird ‘happy dance’ to ‘break the ice’ with him… She sounded like she’d rolled a big fattie beforehand and this was the Mary J talking. Comic gold, much like her poses at Bluefly two weeks ago. Also, possibly worth noting? She likes to do it standing up. Maybe. But during the challenge photoshoot (which was post Barker jerk-off), where the girls had to act sensual with comedian Ross Matthews, Angelea put her leg up on Ross’s shoulder. Her whole leg. Nigel, who was now the photographer after being sufficiently jerked off, said he refused to take a picture of Angelea’s crotch. Despite this, she was deemed not doable by the roommates.

Alexandra was in the bottom 2 this week, along with Tatianna, who was eliminated. Yeah, bullshit. I know she reminded me of Tahlia initially but she really did change my mind with her great photos, last week’s aside. Basically, Tyra said that Tatianna had truly disgusting film and then one rogue hot picture. The powers that be worried that she had no skill and was just lucky. When she was shooting, it was obvious she was bottom 2’d, if her panel about sacrificing mortuary school didn’t already make that clear. It was cool that they brought up Alexander McQueen (RIP) and the exaggerated, drawn on lips seen in his runway shows when Tatianna was wondering why exactly she needed three extra inches of color outside her natural lipline. They showed Magdalena Frackowiak, one of my favorite models:

Alexandra lacked the general spark she’d had in her other photoshoots, and though I didn’t specifically hear this mentioned, gave another profile shot, which was something she’d caught shit about the week before and therefore a huge no-no. Shockingly, I really like Alexandra, despite not usually having anything sweet to say about the plus side candidates, but this one turns it out in pictures and isn’t constantly talking about how her size makes her better than everyone else.  Although both girls were deemed hot enough to bang, the decision was split on which was cuter when they were next to each other in the bottom 2.

Brenda didn’t do anything this week except turn out a really hot photo that was deemed ‘pouty doll’ and ‘extraordinary in the face’ by one of the nonsensical high fashion people this week… Either ALT or this piece of work named Patricia Cleveland who modeled back in the day and had something to do with Tyra’s career, which Tyra naturally bragged about– I was pleased to not hear her whining incessantly. Thanks to her red hair, she got an enthusiastic ‘hell yes’ from the guys.

ALT has a big gay hard-on for Alasia. He says she’s captivating and outside the box with brilliance, all completely over the top compliments, as she’s proven that she’s probably very unstable mentally, but I have to admit that her shot this week? Fantastic. This was one of those episodes where Alasia’s social disease was not played up as they were too busy focusing on Anslee’s crying and Alexandra’s lack of confidence, but she’ll likely be back to form next week. The guys voted her fuckable.

Raina was chosen as ‘my girl that I would tear up’ by my drunken roommate. He loves her big ass eyebrows and, despite having ZERO knowledge of fashion, thought her photo was kind of hot. She, for some weird reason, was in the bottom 3. Also, her body looks terrible in lingerie. Speaking of terrible, guess who judged the sensual challenge?

Ew. What does Ann SUCKett know about sensuality? She mercifully wasn’t the guest judge, so I was only stuck with her face for a few minutes, and the painfully awkward ‘Wow, this is sexier than anything I’ve ever seen………… at Seventeen!’ Right Ann… We know that you don’t get any ass and that Jessica writhing around with Ross Matthews is your jerk-off material for the next seven months or so.

I’m waiting on photo closeups before I get them up here, mostly because you need to see them to fully recognize how ridiculous Angelea’s is. Ugh, if she wins… I swear to GAWWWWWD.

Check back in tomorrow (late) for the photos.

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