I have a confession to make. I’m finding this cycle of ANTM to be nearly unwatchable and it is, without a doubt, affecting my blogging. The whole thing just bugs… I feel as though Angelea is being set up to win it all and it repulses me… All I can remember is those ugly ass corns and her talon nails from Cycle 12… Y’know, she can tell me time and time again that ‘she educated’, but she’s still useless to me as a model. Add in the fact that all of these other bitches are catty or mentally unbalanced and it’s hard to find someone to root for. Like, if I wanted to watch The Bad Girls Club, I would. I find myself jonesing for something vaguely modelesque… So, I apologize for seeming burnt out and all of that, but I really am having a hard time even sitting through this shit.

With that in mind… The photoshoot this week was some sort of bizarre New York character Covergirl ad taken by the Canadian answer to Nigel, minus most of the douchetardness, Mike Ruiz.

Best part of this was getting to see Nicole ‘Bloody Eyeball’ Fox appear thanks to her contract win from last cycle. Bask in her beauty-

Like, how is it possible that a girl of 5’7 can be so much better than all of these remaining slags PUT TOGETHER? Seriously, she is FLAWLESS. She looks like a real model. Can we please put her back in the house so she can wipe the floor with everyone left? PLEASE?!??!?!?! I mean, she is just so facking hot-

What’d I tell you?

Moving on… Starting with the best photo-

Listen, it doesn’t make me happy at ALL to put her first, but I have to be honest… This picture is really gorgeous. I’m a fan of the more sophisticated looking Covergirl ads (I love Teyona’s, despite her only sporting a tight lipped, close mouthed smile) and this certainly is sophisticated. Which is more than fucking Angelea can say about herself in general. Seriously, she is one of the worst people to ever make it this far in the show. This is the first photo she’s taken that was deserving of praise, but the judges positively splooged on it, saying it was the best photo of the cycle and stuff. Fucking ALT who is officially DEAD TO ME talked about what an angel she was, despite the fact that she started the episode off all stanky with Raina and Brenda, asking them how it ‘felt to be in the bottom’.

She does that a lot. It’s getting kind of boring.

In what appeared to be a random redheaded tweak out, Brenda more or less called Angelea ghetto trash. Angelea was not having this and screamed about how she had an education from the honorary Ivy League establishment known as Erie Community College… Redbook approved, look it up, BIIIITCH. Her degree was certainly not in English grammar seeing as how she said ‘and you rude’ to Angelea. She also thinks that Buffalo makes her from New York City, which… yeah. I lived in Dirty Jerz for 8 years and upstate New York is NOT synonymous with the city.

Angelea is also responsible for the title of this blog post. Poignant, this one is.

Basically, Angelea is a fucking mess. She is probably going to win this whole thing.

Next up…

My only beef with this is that she looks old. Like, this is your mid-30s mama edition of Covergirl. Skin? Flawless. Love the long hair and all of that, but no amount of photoshopping can change the fact that Krista is way too old to model. It’ll be interesting to see if this suddenly counts against her, like it did with Celia. Someone on TWOP referred to her as ‘Great Aunt Krista’ and I love it, not only because it’s hilarious but also because the acronym for that is GAK!

Made in chem class!

I guess that I, by default, am rooting for her in some way, shape or form though… since she isn’t a nasty sack of stankosity.

Like really… Everyone was all IMA FIGHT WITCHOO YEAH WUTEVA, Krista was seen as being friends with Angelea and Malaysia but not engaging in the bullshit… Is this a possible winners edit? Yikes.

But really… I’m thinking the probable winner is:

This picture isn’t remotely Covergirl… It’s very funky but I think she looks absolutely fly. Apparently this is something called East Village Rockabilly which is probably another name for annoying hipster. Raina’s involvement in the drama this week was seemingly minor… Trangelea asked her how it felt to be in the bottom (in reference to last week’s bottom 3), to which Raina said ‘How did it feel not making it onto ANTM in Cycle 12’… No, she didn’t actually say that to her face but she mentioned it in her blog. And since Jessica and Brenda basically caught the slack for their side of the argument and Raina went relatively unscathed, I remain convinced that she’s our winner.

I can deal with this:

As long as she promises not to do that.

Next up is victim of the schizo edit-

So, after giving Nigel a BJ last week, she got a first call out… This week, her totally turned on her. ALT more or less called her a skank because she was wearing super high heels with a miniskirt, so she defended herself, which, as we all know, is a big no-no in ANTM-land… You’re to stand there silently and be insulted by a woman in a jumpsuit, a man with pancake makeup about six inches thick and now, a man in a wizard robe! As a result, this shot was in the bottom 3… It’s not her fault that they dressed her like a date rape victim and if her face was a little less… caught mid lip lick, it’d be hot.

I’m a fan of Jess, so I hope she doesn’t fall victim to some stupid skank edit ploy.

Speaking of schizophrenic-

This was in the bottom 2, which is silly… I think it’s actually kind of flirtatious and… cute? I’ve reluctantly decided that I like Malaysia… I thought she should have gone in the first week, but she’s turned it around and I don’t think she’s really that psychotic. She seems to flip out when provoked, and while I do love Jessica, I can’t say that I’d be all peaches and cream if someone started talking about how much they dislike me in front of my face. Another example? Rant telling her to shut the fuck up. Did Malaysia overreact? You bet. But would you be all sunny if someone said that to you? I wouldn’t.

And you know… I made a big deal about her going fetal for ANTM in the first episode but homegirl still has it-

Like, I really don’t know what she’s going for here but I absolutely dig it.

Aaaaand now we have the utterly editless one-

This is classy, and lawd knows I love a nice beret but we all know how I feel about a kooky eye. Unfortunately, her right eye looks glass. If it weren’t for that, this would easily be above Jessica’s shot. I really like Alexandra because she takes good pictures, doesn’t insult her fellow thin competitors and is therefore not reminiscent of Whitney Thompson in spite of a sometimes ajar mouth… but I do worry that she will bite the dust because she literally did not participate in this week’s craziness. I don’t even have a GIF of Alex to share with you…

So I’ll just post this useless human being… I really don’t want to make this blog into a racial thing since I almost quit doing this because of just that last cycle but does anyone else notice that he is… in favor of women of color? First with Alasia’s butt picture being salon-worthy and now Trangelea being a wonderful person to withold or something equally Jade-esque or what the hell ever? Yeah, don’t like him.

Next is the eliminated shot-

This ALMOST works on all counts… Love the nautical styling, the Gossip Girl style headband… But I just think there’s something aged about it that doesn’t really work. And really, Brenda had to go-

That’s just a mess. And she turned out a few good shots but they weren’t good enough to justify her fucking incessant complaining.

And finally-

Yeah, next please…

No Anslee, don’t give me your sass! I tried so hard to like you and defend you when everyone else was complaining about your stankosity, but this picture is bloated and what the eff is the hair twirl? Majorly dislike. I think she’ll probably leave us next.

And now seems like as good a time as any to say that when Raina and Jessica were getting all bijiggity about Malaysia freaking out in her confessionals about them, they looked hot as hell:

So, since I never posted the tranny pictures from last week, I’ll do it now:

Jessica-

Completely deserving of her first call out… Love the movement and the energy… Face is carrying the utterly ridiculous styling.

Malaysia-

She’s not wearing nearly as much stupid makeup but I completely love this… she looks cute, like she just went shopping and is kicking up her leg with joy or something like that. Malaysia is an enigma… I think she’s crazy but at this point, I like her more than Trangelea, Anslee and probably Krista too. Considering that she started off DEAD last for me, that’s a pretty big step up.

Raina-

This is quirky… I’m a fan of quirky. And lord knows I love a high fashion slouch… I’ve decided that I am pretty enthusiastically on Team Raina since this shot is pretty kickass and she is consistently in the top half of my call out scores.

Brenda-

I have a weird amount of like for this shot… Despite it being the same sort of clueless stare that Brenda is always rocking. Maybe it’s the excessive orange… But something about this is hot.

Anslee-

This picture looks kind of lazy but for something so stupid, it actually works. Her face is pretty and the weirdly bunchy posture, while not as interesting as Jessica’s shot, is unique. Anslee was a hot mess during this shoot, so I’m glad she turned something out, even though I’m totally over the bitch.

Alexandra-

The judges have a lot of nerve shitting on her for ‘one look’ when they praise Trangelea every week despite her looking like a dude in every shot. This is pretty ugly, thanks entirely to the styling, but while some girls are elevating themselves above the wretched look, Alexandra lets it control her.

Krista-

Two problems… She appears to be wearing the fake fur that Tahlia (aka She who must not be named) was wearing in the Light Yourself dildo photoshoot from Cycle 12. Normally I would post said shot, but Tahlia gives me hives and therefore, you’ll have to google it. Second problem.. Krista looks dumb as rocks. Like, not just model spacey but legit slow. And the blatantly blue eyes are stupid.

Tatianna-

I actually think her body is cute as hell, but the face is too tranny for me. I am admittedly not supportive of draggy pictures. And really, Tatianna’s elimination reason was stupid– ‘You can only take one good shot’ but if she’s getting the one shot, who cares? This bitch thought Megan Fox was a supermodel, so this is progress. Anyway, despite that BS, her pictures were getting kind of shit, although how could anyone eliminate her over Trangelea?!

Speaking of which-

I don’t hate this as much as I initially did, but seriously, she is straight up drag queen here. Those LIPS… that pissed off expression. It’s just so… stanky! If anybody accuses me of bias, they can suck my left nut because I ranked Trangelea first for Covergirl but I hayyyyteeee this picture.

I appreciate everyone’s patience while my life goes apeshit with drama right before my eyes. I’ll make a serious effort to get back on this, despite finding the cycle utterly disgusting. Hope you enjoyed my delayed recap!

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