So… During the lull between Cycles 14 and 15 of America’s Next Top Model, I’ve decided to give the far superior Australia’s Next Top Model some of my spare time. They’ve recently slipped up majorly in my eyes thanks to new host Sarah Murdoch, who chose to give the prize to Tahnee Atkinson, a girl who, compared to the third and second placers, lacks any fashion edge whatsoever.

I am, however, willing to give her another chance here and see where this cycle goes. She still has the goddess Charlotte Dawson and his highness Alex Perry on the judging panel so there is hope.

I have yet to find any respectable promo shots of the girls (unlike last cycle… they were so fresh and provided great first impressions) so instead, I’ll just use a GIF from the opening as a means of my initial thoughts, but there won’t be a specific ranking of those… They’ll just provide a face for each name and I’ll post the pictures from the photoshoot- a 1950s Mad Men inspired clothing shoot


Name bias? You bet your ass. We have the same exact hair color and this bitch is clearly attractive. This is only further evidenced in the Mad Men shoot:

She looks like a porcelain doll here… Almost exquisitely beautiful and blessed with a stunning and delicate beauty. She fits the look of the era so well. The judges appear to agree with me here [I haven’t watched the episode yet] seeing as show she received the first call out.


This is more Hitchcock and less Mad Men, but the finished product is SO beautiful. She looks slightly scared or something, which works for that sort of docile prettiness of the 1950s. I worry about that face… She may be a bit of a one look wonder which is a no-no on Top Model shows, but this shot is love.


This girl is one of my absolute favorites… And they eliminated her. Sigh. Great start, Sarah Murdoch. You WENCH. But really, she looks great in the promo and the picture is great– she has such a cold and regal beauty about her. I originally thought that she looked a little aged but after seeing her in action, I think she WOULD HAVE BEEN a great contender.


One of the best things about Kimberly’s shot is how much better she looks in it than she does in the promo. Promo? Totally common and slightly sour faced wench. Photo? Completely Grace Kelly. The hair looks amazing on her… She actually appears to be part of the era and not just costumed as such.


Everyone is blowing their load over this girl, as is expected at the start of a NTM show. She looks drunk in the promo, but perhaps in a more Nicole Fox way than a bad way. The picture is good… She pulls off the fur well, in addition to working the makeup, but something about her face bugs… it’s more of a personal preference than a diss on her skills though.


Another early favorite on the Overration Train… Her face is completely busted in the promo, but the Mad Men shot is decent… She looks a bit like a desperate housewife… It’s the only one that really tells a story instead of just being gorgeous.


She has one of the best outfits to work with and probably most closely resembles January Jones (although with some bug eyes), so I feel the look just works on her. She, naturally, was eliminated, so I don’t get a chance to see any more from her.


She is absolutely stunning in both pictures, but I feel that her Mad Men shot is a lot more modern than some of the others and that drags it down for me. She’s lacking the sensual curves of Christina Hendricks but she’s much too current to embody the soft femininity of January Jones. So, gorgeous, but wrong for this brief.


Easily one of the most beautiful in the promo, and while this shot isn’t the most flattering angle on, well, anyone’s face… I do sort of like the look of grief she’s wearing. She is of the sad Betty Draper clan and it’s not elimination worthy in the slightest.


This keeps growing on me more and more… LIKE FUNGUS OR SOMETHING… Fuck, I’ll probably have it in my top 5 by tomorrow, the way this is all going. At first, I thought she looked old. And not in like a wrinkly way… Just dated. But now I see some genuine 1950s style glamor and I dig it. Also, despite being sort of gold colored, she is quite pretty in the promo.


So, one of several unpopular opinions regarding this shoot. I think she’s pretty damn gorgeous and while she’s doing almost nothing but relying on the lovely styling, it’s okay in this case because she is so pretty. I’m told she’s pretty much a busted mess in person and people are already pissed about her staying but she’s all right in my book, photographically speaking.


Another unpopular opinion, as it seems to be commonly accepted that she should have been toast, but I see Nicole Linkletter plus a dash of Ali Stephens and a pinch of extra chromosome. Seriously, there is something mutated about that mouth, but she’s weirdly alluring. I think she wears the clothes well.


I’d say that the general consensus is that this is the worst shot, and while I do agree that it is flawed, I think that the remaining few are much, much worse. The biggest problem here is that she looks far more Desperate Housewives than Mad Men… And that expression isn’t Hitchcockian like Kimberly or Jessica’s; it’s coked out. Also, is she plus sized or is the outfit just unflattering?


Super beautiful in the promo but ridiculously disappointing in the photo. She has this great, adorable 50s style dress and her neck and mouth are so annoyingly tense. I’m glad she stayed because she appears to be quite attractive, but I dislike the shot strongly.


Clare Venema, you are not. The fault in this lies with the face because she’s got a great wardrobe and a great set… She’s even working decently shaped legs, although the arms lack any energy whatsoever. But really… who spit in her cup of tea? She looks stankity stank and not even in a hilarious Trangelea way.


… This is a joke, right? Because honestly… We had one fat winner already and now Australia continues to give false hope to chubs? That’s unfair. I mean, I get that people want to be models and inner beauty and blah blah blah blah blah… And I can say that because I’m 5’5 and not skinny and stuff… Anyway, back to this picture. Fug. Fug fug fug fug fug. She looks like a cat died on the rug and she’s upset about it. This is probably the one elimination that I wholeheartedly agree with.

I’d say, overall, that this photoshoot produced some excellent shots, unlike last cycle’s premiere which only had Cassi’s gorgeous flamingo bikini thing. Obviously Amanda is my favorite, both in person and so far, photographically, but we’ll see if she can stay there. It’d be pretty cool if she did.

There’s no point in me recapping the goings on because the reality is that by the time I see the episode, so can everyone else because I don’t have super cool connections with anyone so I’ll just make horrible bitchy comments on the photos and save the recapping for Petra Starke, who is hilarious and you should read her blog. Okay, thanks.

Until next time 🙂